antidote

5. Head over heels

Helios and Ares finished their meal and they did not leave. Helios completely forgot about his life, all that mattered was what going on and right now he was getting feeling dizzy from all the wine he'd had. He had no idea what time it was and his phone had somehow disappeared.

At midnight, after way too many drinks, the drunk boys walked out the pub and onto the street they stared at the sky. 'There's a lot of stars.' Helios said with the biggest smile on his face, as if he was seeing the sky for the first time. 'So many and they're all so bright.' Ares answered but he wasn't looking at the stars, all he looked at was Helios. 'Do you think they're dead?' Helios stopped in the middle of the road. 'Who?' Ares grabbed his arm to pull him on the sidewalk. Thank goodness he was there, Helios would have gotten run over, he really needs to chill with the wine.

'The stars, do you think they're dead?' Helios asked and they walked dizzily towards where? He had no idea but he didn't care. 'I don't know, I hope not' Ares replied and he took the time to look up and smiled, Helios stared and smiled back. 'Why?' and Ares sighed. 'Because it means we are the only one to know.' Helios had no clue what he meant, 'Yeah, what do we know by the way?' and Ares laughed, proper laughed. Helios had never heard him laugh, like a real laugh before. It sounded so good.

'We know nothing, nothing at all and we also know everything.' Ares looked at Helios, they stared at each other for a while, they had both stopped walking. 'Take me home, please.' Helios asked, feeling suddenly so tired. 'You know the way.' Helios felt his chest hurt and he frowned. 'Can you walk me home please I don't like being alone.' Ares looked at him intensly. 'Why?' Helios hesitated for a moment. 'Men' and he saw Ares' eyes shift and a whisper escaped his mouth.

'Oh'

He paused, 'Yeah sure I mean, I'll walk you home if you tell me where it is.' and Helios stopped in his tracks. 'I don't know, just walk me to the library please, I think I'll figure it out.' Ares did not question anything, they just walked back to the library in silence.

In front of the library, Helios asked Ares, 'Can we meet at the library tomorrow?' and Ares nodded and they said goodbye and Helios watched him go away. He suddenly felt completely numb. He made his way to the aisle 13 and found the stupid magic shelf and struggled to find that goddamn red book.

***

I met someone, his name is Ares. He looks like David Bowie. We saw The Cure perform at Hope and Anchor. I hope we can see Queen together. I think I like him but I can't fall for someone who lives in another universe, in another life. I wish he was real. I don't know what's going on, I feel like I'm losing my mind. We got drunk on cheap wine and I got very confused. I'm afraid to tell him the truth. I'm afraid he will hate me if he knows. Because I may have done all the surgeries, I may have done everything I could, I'm afraid he won't see me as a man. I'm afraid he will beat me up like my father when he knows. I'm afraid that I won't ever see him again. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up from this dream. I'm so afraid. It's late, I know but this is how it is. Too late.

***

Helios gets woken up by his phone buzzing on his nightstand. It's Eden. 'Mhmmph', he hears Eden talk very fast. 'Uh? Can– can you repeat please? Just woke up.' He feels his head throbbing.
'Good morning Helios, my dad wants to see me, he says he really needs to talk to me I need your help I don't know what to do.. Sorry I woke you up.' Eden says on the other line of the phone.

Helios is now awake, 'WHAT?' He says as loud as he can but do not scream. 'Yeah.. I'm so confused and concerned.' Eden adds, Helios tries to think about a solution and he starts asking a few questions like what did he mean by wanting to see her and why now after all this time? What does he wants with her? 'I don't know, Helios, that's why I'm asking you, I know you don't know my father but still, maybe you'd figure out why, you always have the answer.' Helios was flattered but he also felt pressured now. 'Why don't we talk about this at the café? I also have to talk to you.' Helios was hesitant, but he still wanted her to know.

They met an hour and half later at the café. Helios looked like a mess and the hangover headache had not gone away. They spoke about Eden's father for an hour and he told her she should meet him, to know what this is all about. 'Now tell me, what's going on?' She asked after finishing her latte. Helios sighed and bit his lower lip, he was very nervous about this. He had thought about keeping it a secret, he was going not going to tell her about the library, the other world. But he wanted to tell her about Ares. He will just erase the part where they saw The Cure perform and talked about seeing Queen next month. It could be taken the wrong way.

'I think I met someone.' He said, so low he didn't even know if he really said it. 'Who?' She instantly replied, seeming very intrigued. 'That's the thing, he's definitely straight and.. unattainable.' Eden straighten up and waited for a second before answering. 'How do you know if you haven't asked? And what do you mean by unattainable?'

'I just know, it's not even about the way he looks, he doesn't look straight, I just know he is.. I can't tell you too much about him, I don't even know why I did tell you this in the first place.' He was out of breath and flustered.

'Alright, if you say so, but you're putting invisble barriers here, just try if you like him, if you told me it's probably because you care and this means a lot to you.' Eden replied, very wisely and Helios felt so grateful to have met her.

'Thanks Eden, I don't know what I'd do without you.' He smiled at her and she smiled back. 'Now can you at least give me his insta?' and Helios almost died of laughter. 'What's so funny uh?' She furrowed her brows. 'What makes you think I have his insta, we literally met yesterday and I'm sure he's not the type guy to have insta.' Helios thought that, even if he was alive today in this world, Ares would still not be the type of person to have insta. 'You liar, I bet you already found his mom's Facebook and have baby pictures of him on your camera roll.' and they laughed, so loud the few customers all stared at them, but they couldn't care less.

***

1. When Ares knows the truth, give him a copy of The Secret History.

Helios wrote in his journal, he would make a list, a very long one.