Frail heart

Presage of the end

Chapter eight

Wakanda

Bucky was scheduled to come see you today, and you had to admit that you were glad to finally be seeing him after a little while. He couldn't visit you all the time because he was obviously still in his own healing process, but he took the time to come and talk to you every now and then, which you appreciated.

His visits usually consisted of you asking questions and him answering as best he could, but it had helped a lot during your time in Wakanda, put your mind at ease, no matter how briefly. You had come to find some comfort in him, there was this quiet bond between the two of you due to your similar experiences, he understood you on a much deeper level than anyone else, and on those troubled nights where the day was just a little too hard, he was a shoulder you could lean on.

"How was today?", he questioned softly

You took a moment to best formulate your words, eyebrows furrowing in concentration, "It was... foreign."

"Foreign?"

"Yeah... I saw so much that I just, didn't know or remember."

Bucky took a seat next to you on your bed, nodding softly, "How did you feel?"

You sighed, wringing your hands together on your lap, "Lost...like I didn't know whose memories I was looking at, whose mind I was in."

"I remember that feeling, like you're looking through someone else's mind.", he continues at your small nod, "It's okay to feel that way, you weren't truly present for a lot of those memories so you can't be expected to remember them."

"I just can't help but feel like I was there, like a part of me knew what I was doing and did nothing to stop it."

"You can't think like that. Hydra they... they were a disease in your mind, a disease that eliminated any rational thinking. If you had been in control, I know you wouldn't have done those things."

"You can't know that."

"Okay, maybe I can't, but from what I've seen... you're trying Y/N, and that's something no one can take away from you."

You lowered your head it his words, you didn't know if you fully believed them. It didn't matter what part of you Hydra controlled, all those things you did, the people you hurt. It was still you. Some part of you.

"Do you regret it?"

Bucky's voice broke you out of your thoughts, and you turned to him with a frown, "What?"

"Do you regret it? Everything they made you do?"

"Of course, all the time."

Bucky only smiled which confused you even further, "Someone who had the intention of hurting all those people, the ability to kill and not feel even an ounce of remorse, they wouldn't be burdened by their guilt as you are."

It amazed you how he always knew the right thing to say but you suppose it's because he had been told the same thing when he was in your position. He always had a new perspective for you to look at, a different angle on the situation.

A grateful smile crept onto your lips, and you took a deep inhale, running your hands tiredly over your face.

"Thanks, Bucky."

He hums, turning away for a moment and you sense that he has something else to say, "What is it?"

He clears his throat, looking your way, almost like he's contemplating something, "I'm not supposed be telling you this but... Steve's been thinking about flying you to the tower."