Sufferable

rad alien sex ed

Dave-

"dude why do you always get like so upset when anything close to sex is mentioned. chill."

Karkat's little cheeks puff up and he narrows his eyes when he frowns more at me.

"I WILL BITE YOU, YOU PEDOPHILIAC PIECE OF SHIT."

"dude were the same age."

Pedophiles are like old people right? Anyway, I'm gonna push him into telling me why he always acts like a second grade girl when shit gets sexual. Besides, when he blushes it's really adorable.

"kitkat seriously what the fuck is down there that embarrasses you that much come on."

The black part of his eyes get all big and I start getting all weirded out.

"DAVE. WHY IS IT THAT YOU PESTER ME ENDLESSLY ABOUT MY GENITALIA."

Holy shit that was so cute. Okay, I'm doing this more.

"because man youre an alien what do you have down there a fuckin tentacle?"

He freezes up and the black part of his eyes kinda make him look like one of those scary demon things. Wait dude. Does he really have a fucking tentacle?

"DAVE. HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING ME WHEN YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO."

Dude. It's hentai shitcrazy now.

"uh. . . .no. . . ."

Okay I'm cool, but there's no way in hell my face could stay normal. Holy shit it's hot in here.

"wait so like is that it?"

"NO. . ."

Oh. Uh.

"I KIND OF WISH KANKRI WAS HERE, AND THAT'S SAYING A FUCKING LOT."

Wait but Kan was like telling me about not just her being both genders. I seriously thought that was like some weird lesbian thing she was doing for Rose.

"dude are you always angry because youre on your period."

"FFFUCK YOU."

Oh. Well.. That ensures he stays a virgin for like ever.

"NO, THAT IS NOT WHY."

Okay. Because I like almost pissed myself Vantas.

"okay. . .cool."

Karkat-

'COOL? WHAT THE FUCK PART OF THIS IS COOL? FUCKING GOG I'M SHAKING.'

"WHY ARE YOU ASKING ALL THESE THINGS AGAIN?"

I growl lowly, trying to hide my mortified shaking.

"I'M GOING TO FORGET THIS CONVERSATION EVEN EXISTED AND GO GET MY POPTARTS NOW, THOUGH I FEEL I HAVE LOST MY APPETITE FOR THE NEXT EIGHT SWEEPS."

Sliding off the couch and feeling awkward with my back to him, I trudge over and dump my poptarts out of the box heater thing. They're probably not warm anymore, but I couldn't really give a single flying fuck right now.

Dave-

Did he notice I was staring at his ass? I hope he didn't notice I was staring at his ass. Does he like actually hate me now? Oh shit.

"uh hey karks?"

"WHAT."

Okay. Okay, stay cool.

"do you wanna watch another romcom? andmaybeletmecuddlewithyou?"

Oh shit did I actually slip that. Oh. Oh god wait-

"SURE."

Oh. Okay cool.

Yes!