Sufferable

FUCKING AWFUL HUMAN MOVIES

Yet Again, Karkat-

Goddamn Sollux, sticking his stupid face where it's not wanted. Gog. When I walk back into the room with the couch in it, Dave isn't there. I walk further into the room and glance around, finally noticing he's looking through my food in the next room.

"oh hey karks. im starving man. please tell me you got something besides poptarts and jello and juice in here."

"WELL, IDIOT, I GUESS WE COULD ORDER PIZZA, DON'T YOU LIKE THAT."

"fuck yeah!"

"ASSHOLE." Mumbling, I make my way over to the built-in phone system across from the earlier-mentioned fridge, and dial up the same damn number I've been dialing for weeks. I don't like to go out much, but usually humans here just think we're other human kids dressed up all the time or something...

After a few minutes of hounding some lazy ass for the earth food, my thinkpan hurts really bad. Fucking people.

"WELL IF SOMEONE IN THERE GETS OFF THEIR ASS FAST ENOUGH THE FOOD MIGHT BE HERE IN LESS THAN AN HOUR."

Dave shrugs, "okay so until then what do we do?"

"MORE MOVIES, I GUESS. DO YOU EVEN WATCH MOVIES?"

"fuck yeah. here lemme see this." He grabs the television controller out of my hand and flips to some weird channel I haven't seen before. Dave somehow types something up on the screen and a list pops up in dark grey.

"JAMES BOND?"

"this shit is awesome man. dude should we watch goldfinger license to kill or skyfall."

"WELL, WHICH ONE IS THE FIRST ONE?"

"uh i think jake might know but i dont. plus bond is kinda not an orderly saga."

"OKAY THEN. HOW ABOUT THE SKYFALL ONE."

"dude that ones the best."

"REALLY? OKAY."

Dave selects Skyfall on the screen and the weird earth beginning credits start, and then this weird song plays and Dave starts singing along like some sopor-hyped idiot.

"DAVE STOP SINGING!"

"okay okay fine."

"UGH."

The movie starts out weirdly and this guy is fighting this other guy on a moving machine after some weird office scene, and then I thought the guy from the office scene died, but I guess not? This is so confusing.. But I guess if Dave likes it, it's okay. Some other weird scenes pass, and then another machine scene that scares the shit out of me happens. I wasn't expecting it, so I kind of cling onto Dave's shirt and I guess I yelped or something because he laughs at me.

"SHUT UP, THAT WAS SCARY. THE FUCKING THING JUST CAME OUT OF THE FUCKING WALL!"

"thats a train, karks."

"TRAINS ARE TERRIFYING!"

"they dont usually bust through walls."

"NNNN..."

Some weird human with mudblood colored hair takes off half of his face and that scares me too.

"GAH, DAVE! HE JUST TOOK OFF HIS FACE!"

"its just a mask karkat chill."

Somehow this mask guy gets the Bond to go to his place where he holds this girl that Bond is romantically involved with somehow. Their relationship didn't seem too stable, but I can't believE HE SHOT HER. THE MASK HUMAN SHOT BOND'S MATESPRIT. GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS. FUCKING DAVE AND HIS TERRIBLE MOVIES.

"DAVE! DAVE, WHY DID HE SHOOT HER?!"

"because thats bonds girlfriend and he hates bond, so-"

"BUT KISMESISES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO KILL ANOTHER'S MATESPRIT!"

"karkat humans dont really have kismesises normally."

"WELL, OKAY, BUT YOU SAID HATE, SO I KIND OF AUTOMATICALLY THOUGHT KISMESIS."

The mudblood haired human makes some sort of innuendo suggestion to Bond. Dave, they are kismesises!

"DAVE, THEY ARE KISMESISES! HE JUST SAID-"

"yeah but theyre not kismesises karkat he's just some horny evil gay dude."

"BUT DAVE, BOND MADE A COMEBACK."

"oh my god i give up."