Lover Girl

Figuring it all out

None know about the massive secret. I hadn't told anyone, don't know about about Jay. We hadn't spoken about it either. Truth was I think his kinda in shock but I don't care, I wasn't exactly ready to talk about. I knew I couldn't lie either so I was hoping my family hadn't figured it out. I should be planning my sons first birthday but instead here I am getting lost in my head.

"Where are we going mummy" MillieFlorence asks as I strap Alvin in the car. "To visit a friend" she began to guess who it could be but her voice just faded away. I check her straps making sure she's safe before getting in and driving off.

"I miss daddy can we see him" MillieFlorence asks as I take her out of her seat before walking around the car getting Alvin. I knock on the door before MillieFlorence started pounding on the door. "Hey longtime no see you know I didn't think I would see you after I moved" he said "who are you" MillieFlorence sassily asked "I'm Matt and you must be MillieFlorence" she nods looking at me "you said we were going to a friends" "we are" I answer simply as matt lets us in. "Are you ok" "no I'm a mess" he nods knowing what I meant. "Hey Millie want to see all the pictures of your mum when she was younger and little man you want to draw he can draw right" Matt said before I can answer MillieFlorence does "yeah he eats pencils to why can't I draw" "you can promise...how do you deal with her three minutes and I already want to die" he said setting them up to draw pictures. I could see them through the abnormally large arches, I just couldn't be with them. "There good promise" Matt said walking over my eyes don't leave my two babies though. "There real" "yeah they are real" he assured me "I just it all crept up so quickly" "hey it's been what three years I'd say that's pretty awesome give yourself more credit" I nod "I knew it was happening and I just ignored it I held Alvie a little tighter that's when I knew it was setting in" he sits down beside me "you will always have it creeping in" "look mummy I drew daddy with his fat head" "fantastic I'm sure his going to love it" "hey Millie I heard that your grandpa wants one as well your mummy here needs one and I hear your aunt Erin wants a book sent" "I can make her a book" "you should get drawing then" he encouraged making her run back to Alvin who was rapidly scribbling on every piece of paper. "I didn't want to hurt them" "you won't it's the one thing you have wanted forever" "that part of me shut off" "no it didn't" he rolls his eyes "I was also scared I would accidentally leave them" "what did you do before" I look at him confused "it happened in the three years what did you do" "they went to my dads or out on a Justin day or Erin adventure but Justin's dead and Erin's in New York" "well you have me so don't worry about that I'll make sure nothing happens to them and if you do disappear I still have your dads number from when you gave it to me for emergencies I'll call him to come get them so they can go to people they actually know but right know when your somewhat lucid I know you what them close" he told me making me somewhat relax "I'll call Josh or Dan over so if you do disappear someone can be with you and know where you and they will also be safe" I nod smiling at him. Him head all jumbled as I fought so hard to stay with reality. To not loose myself in the madness. I felt relaxed that if anything happened to me they would be safe and cared for.

Josh

Dan