Benedict

Jet Lagged

Benedict's POV:

New Zealand had been like a cure for me. Not only the countryside was incredible, but also the people were unbelievably welcoming and nice and so respectful. Never was I stalked by a crazy fan, a nice hello here and there was all I got in terms of recognizing. I did lots of adrenaline pumping activities, got to eat dinner with Peter, Philippa and Fran and all in all had a lot of fun. So apart from my crazy and quite exhausting dragon performance it really felt like holidays. And don't get me wrong, the dragon and the necromancer, whose part I also got now, were major fun as well.
I felt like all my pain and worries were drawn away from me and for the first time in a long while I finally felt free and happy again. So it was only when I landed in Heathrow again, that I realized how much I had missed my friends. Well, apart from Martin of course, who I met a few times on set, just to be reminded again what an incredible actor he was.
So the first thing I did was phoning my parents and then Sophie. I didn't even know why I phoned her before all of my other friends but I had to start somewhere, hadn't I?
I was kind of looking forward to tell her everything about the trip so when she didn't pick up I was a bit disappointed. After trying it a few times I just decided to visit her later.

But when I arrived at her house around eight, nobody was there. Everything was dark, but her car was still there. I felt concern creeping up my chest, wondering if something happened to her. I was just about to give her another call, when Matt texted me if I wanted to meet the next night. Suddenly I felt incredibly tired and stupid.
What am I even doing here? She's probably just gone out for a bit, with Fe or Leila or whoever. It's Friday night. Why do I expect her to just wait all day just for my return, especially after such a long flight when every normal person just wants to sleep?
I blamed my strange behaviour on the Jet Lag and hurried to get home.

Sophie's POV:

'Honey, what's wrong?'
My mother sat down in front of me, placing a cup of tea on the dark wooden table. As I didn't respond she just took my hand, her look so full of feeling I felt tears trying to push through my eyes. I closed them quickly so she wouldn't see.
My phone buzzed. It was Ben, for the thousands time. His cute smile appeared on my screen, while he hugged me for the picture. It was my favorite. To my surprise it was incredibly easy to not pick up. Since I had arrived at my parents' it felt like I had reached a refuge, and I didn't want Ben to break into that. No matter how much it hurt to miss him, picking up and hearing his voice again would hurt more. Maybe I also wanted to test him. Would he worry about me?
The worst thing about falling in love with a friend is that you loose all sense of friendship. You are not sure anymore what amount of caring is normal for a friend and what for a lover, if the other person gives you hints that he feels the same or it's just normal to do that as good friends. You don't know when you have the right to complain or simply expected too much. It can drive you crazy.
This slowly led to a strange behaviour of me, that I started to try and don't expect anything anymore. I started to change myself and was too weak to do anything against it.
Gosh Sophie, he broke you fast. Especially you. Does that make him special?
The call ended, the screen faded into black again.
'It's because of him, isn't it?'
I looked up, not able to conceal my tears anymore. I had always been so good in hiding what I felt and it normally worked with everyone but Fe. But mothers often notice without commenting it.
'Oh Sophie!'
She surrounded the table and pulled me into a hug. And for the first time since I was a teenager, I cried. I really cried and cried, until my eyes were red and burned and I wasn't able to breath through my nose anymore. My mum just held me, slowly stroking my back. After a while she pushed me away, softly, and put my soaked hair out of my face.
'You know, since the day we announced our divorce you weren't the same. You didn't want to disappoint us, didn't want to seem weak. And since that day, you never needed us again. You never cried, you always looked after yourself. You wanted to make us proud.'
She smiled vey softly.
'We were alway very proud of you, Sophie, both of us, it's just that your father couldn't show it. And it hurt me that you never wanted to need us again. I saw you one night, with the horses. You often slept in the stable, you loved them. And I went out, cause I had forgotten to feed the dogs and there you were again. And you stood beside your horse, your face in his mane and you cried. I knew I should go and console you, but for some reason, I couldn't. For some reason you had decided not to come to me, but to him. And no matter how much it hurt, I respected it. Because I knew that we were the ones to be blamed for that. Maybe I thought, that would be the punishment I deserved.'
She shut her eyes down and I looked at her in astonishment. For the first time in years we were close again, we actually understood each other. I wasn't able to say anything, I just kissed her on the forehead and leaned my head on her shoulder, and she hers' on mine. So we sat for a long while.

The next morning I felt unexpectedly okay. Not super good or anything, just okay. It was like I had cried out all the pain yesterday and left was just emptiness, which made place for better feelings. I left my phone turned off and went horseriding. A friend of mine still had horses and as I gave her my former horse for free when I moved to London, she had allowed me to come and ride it whenever I wanted.
It was a beautiful french thouroughbred, nearly black, as swift as it's english forefathers, but stronger built and a fast learner.
Riding had always helped me. As soon as I sat on a horse I felt free, all my worries left on the ground, just me and this amazing creature, to which you can build up such a special bond. I had always felt that bond and for a long time I had preferred the company of animals rather than of men. I just didn't have to change myself for them, they just accepted me the way I was. That's why cruelty towards animals was something that made me unvelievably mad.
I closed my eyes and felt the cold wind on my face as he changed into a soft gallop. I let him go a bit faster, enjoying the feeling of flying that filled me, but carefully held him back when he reached a certain speed. He was a really nice horse, but sometimes he just tended to get too fast if you let him and loosing control can get really dangerous for both you and your horse.
Back in the stable I took care of him myself, talking to him and cleaning him and making sure he got out on the fields with the others. It felt like a cure for my soul.