I am aghast, so angry that my eyes water, my heartbeat thrumming in my temple. How dare he? I want to stomp after him and scream.
I rise but drop back into the chair, my head between my palms, ashamed. Whom am I fooling? Nia needs him. Yes, she needs him more than me.
"May I?" Ehraan asks, pointing at the chair.
"I am sorry you saw this."
He sits, leaving a chair between us. "This is not the right time. But can I help?"
"Sorry?"
"You wanted my painting."
"I don't need your pity." I scowl and immediately regret my words, half-prepared to see him rise and walk away. "I...I am..."
"It's not about you," he says softly.
"What do you mean?"
"You are not buying a favour."
"But your painting?"
"It's not about me, either." He looks at the ceiling. "It's about your daughter, Reena. It's about Nia."
"I don't know, Ehraan. Right now, I must do what it takes for her."
"Then do it."
"Nia needs Keshav more than me."
"No. Nia needs a family. You are her family."
"But Keshav —"
"He's all right. He's trying to do what he thinks is best for her."
"Maybe he is right."
"Maybe. But Nia needs you more."
"Why?"
"Because you need her more."
Revati sits beside me. "He is right, Reena. I am not too sure what to expect from Keshav."
"I don't know, Rev. I just want my Nia to be happy." I lean my head against the wall. "But things are happening so fast. I am tired...tired of my inadequacy." Wish all this was just a dream.
***
"Maa." Nia opens her eyes, blinks a few times to the light, and grips my palm lightly, turning her face towards me. Our eyes lock, and she tries to smile, grimacing from the cuts on her lips.
"I am here, baby." I wipe my tears and lean close to her.
"Sorry," she says.
"Shut up." I wipe my nose and eyes and force a smile.
She smiles back. "Am I dead?"
I burst into a smile and cry at the same time. "No. You tried, though."
"Gallery?"
"Got the painting, Nia."
"You did?" She lets out a tired smile. "I knew you'd find it, Maa."
"How are you feeling, beta?"
"I am hungry, Maa." She wriggles her fingers into mine.
"Paratha? With butter?"
"Ice cream?" she grins.
"As soon as we get home."
"Promise?"
"Daughter's..." I pinch my throat and tap her forehead. "Sleep now. I love you."
"I love you too, Maa." She lets go of my fingers and closes her eyes.
"REENA!"
My eyes snap open, and Keshav is standing with Revati and Ehraan. The light over the OT is green. I rise, my heartbeat soaring. The senior doctor who entered last shakes his head.
"What?"
Keshav turns towards me, his eyes red, and wraps me in a hug.
"No." I beat his chest.
He holds me tight.
"No. I want to see my Nia." I wriggle out of his arms and grab Revati's wrist. "I want to see Nia."
She shakes her head.
"Why are you all shaking your head? Where is Nia?"
"She didn't..." Revati bursts into sobs.
"She didn't, what? She's inside. They will get her out. I promised to get her ice cream. Ehraan, tell her. Tell her I got the painting. Everything will be all right now. Everything will be —"
I begin to cry. "Nia," I call her across the door and try to push my way in, but Keshav grabs me. "Please, Keshav, she needs me. We'll tell her we are back together. She'll be happy. Come. Why won't you?"
His face is puffed and streaked with tears.
"Why are you crying? I'll give you whatever undertaking you want. Just pretend we are together, okay? She needs us both. Why are all of you quiet? Revati, say something." I tug at her and turn to Ehraan. "You haven't met Nia. She's there, inside."
The OT door opens, and the stretcher emerges with Nia sleeping peacefully. I step towards her, but Keshav grips my arm. "Please," I beg, and he lets go.
A strand of hair is on Nia's face, and I move it with my finger and squeeze her cheek. "Wake up, Nia."
She doesn't.
I pat her cheeks, "Nia, please, wake up, please, wake up, beta. I love you. Come on, Nia, bunk all the classes. Don't you know I love you, wake up, wake up, wake up..."
She doesn't budge.
Something breaks inside me, pinches, and I can't pull a breath through my sobs. It feels warm and light. Dizzying. I lean over Nia and pace my head on her stomach. Something soft ruffles through my hair, something that feels like Nia's fingers. I close my eyes. Nia knows what her mother needs. I need Nia.
***
