A Broken Heart (KimChay fanfic)

Chapter 1 - Sweet little Porchay

Author's note: REVISED

I looked at my cell phone once again. After the song, the only thing he said was "This is for Porchay." I didn't know what to do or think, and at the same time I started to realize all the dumb things I had done these past months.

Because of him, I dropped out of college, dyed my hair, started drinking, and nearly used drugs. I didn't know what went through my head. How could I change so much in just a few months? How could I change so much because of him? I feel so lost right now.

I replay the video even though I know that is just going to make me even more sad, but at the same time, while I'm listening to his angelic voice, I remember the time we spent together. The day he took me to a painting café and we painted canvas together; the day he took me to the cinema; the nights he spent with me listening more than talking, and then he would end up letting me sleep in his chest while his arms were around me.

And then I found out it was all a lie. I couldn't believe it at first, and I didn't understand it either. Why would he do that? Why would he play with my feelings like that? It actually took me some time to fully understand his attitude, and my conclusion was that living in a family like this one, he is completely traumatized, and he can't understand people other than through logic.

After that, I made a decision. I made myself promise that I would not suffer for him anymore. He had caused enough harm to my life, and I would be better off without him, yet here I am once more, crying on the floor for him. I continue to cry for a few more minutes before I get up and attempt to regain control over my life.

I needed to do something about university; I wanted my place there. I'm good at music, and it's what I've imagined myself doing for these past years, so I couldn't let him take that away from me. The truth is, I didn't know what else I would do besides this, and even if music was painful now, I would heal and enjoy it once again someday.

The only problem is I missed my audition day, and I can't tell that to Hia because he took me there himself, and I also don't want him knowing about me and P'Kim. P'Tankhun wouldn't be able to keep the secret if he knew, so that leaves only P'Kinn, who probably knows something and can help me.

I go to his office and make sure P'Porshe isn't there then ask for help.

"Come in," P'Kinn says after a knock on the door. Chay," he says, my name surprised. "How may I help you?"

"P'Kinn, I need to ask you a favor." I reluctantly say

"This is about university, isn't it?" he asks, and I look at him confused. "Kim said you would be coming to talk to me about that sooner or later."

He looks at me with a little bit of pity in his eyes, and it was because of looks like that that I didn't tell anyone about me and P'Kim. All they would think was, "Poor little Porchay, he got himself involved with the worst of the brothers; he really thought a manipulative and narcissistic person like Khun Kim would fall in love with him." Everyone would pity me, and I hate that.

"Can you help me, P'Kinn?" I asked, already knowing the answer would be yes.

"Kim took care of finding a new date for your audition." He says as he gives me the audition papers. I look at him reluctantly, and he notices it. "Chay, just take the papers and go to the audition. You know that all your brother wants is for you to go to university to have a better life. All he has done is work towards that goal, but this is something you need to do, not him. So, just take the papers and don't think about it too much, and especially don't do something you will regret just because Kim is a pain in the ass."

I knew he was right, so I took the papers and thanked him. I was on my way to my room when I realized that my audition was in two days, and I didn't even know what song I was going to play. It was supposed to be "This song is called you," but I don't know if I can play that song without crying, as it was the song I wrote for P'Kim. The only problem was that I needed to sing an original song, and that was my only one, so I should just start practicing and don't think about it too much.