A Broken Heart (KimChay fanfic)

Chapter 66 - Adapt

We stayed like that for some time. I think more than talking, Matteo needs to let things out, and one of the ways to do that is by crying. I eventually turn to him and hug him against my chest.

What a day we had, and I can't imagine all the stress and pressure he was under when we opened that door. The thought of opening it and finding his mom dead certainly crossed his mind. And then we got home and found out Maria had killed herself...

"Teo, do you want to talk or do you want to stay like this?" P'Kim whispers

"I don't know what to say. I'm relieved it's over and I'm so happy my mama is back with us. I'm just worried, she doesn't have my dad or Aunty here anymore, and I'm worried she won't have the support she needs..."

"I think you should offer to take her to a psychologist so she can talk if she wants." I suggest

"Maybe, I don't know. When you are in a position of power like she is, it's hard to trust people." Matteo says, and I know that is very much true

"You could fake her death, give your mother the chance to start fresh." P'Kim suggests "She doesn't have to leave, but she could stop being the wife of a dead mafia leader. It would give her more freedom."

"That is actually a good idea. Not that many people saw her yesterday, and I know our people will not say a word about it. Only the important people would know the truth." Matteo says more to him than to us

"You should probably talk to your mother first." I say

"Yes, I need to."

"We should go to the closet before we wake him." P'Kim says, and I nod

"Yes, you're right."

We go to the closet, and for a few moments, we don't say anything. Matteo is thinking, and I can see he really likes P'Kim's idea. I like it too, and I think it would give Matteo's mom some well-deserved peace. She will always be part of the mafia somehow, but she will be freer if everyone thinks she's dead.

"I'm scared she will collapse at some point." Matteo admits "I know she will never tell me what she went through, she doesn't want me to feel guilty. I didn't do a good enough jog looking for her... At least she is with me now." he says with a sad smile

"The past is the past." I start "She probably needs some time to deal with it, but how what happened affects her only she can decide. Past actions only have an effect on us if we let them. We can accept what happened and move on." I look at Matteo "Your mother is not a victim, she's a survivor. And you are not the one at fault, you need to accept that or the guilt will consume you."

"Chay is right, Teo. You've been feeling guilty for a lot of things that weren't your fault."

"I just don't understand how am I supposed to just come to peace with everything? How can I accept everything that happened? I don't understand..." Matteo says, sitting down "I can't. I'm not capable of that. I think I accept everything, and then there are moments where it just hits me. It's like I can't have peace, and I can't leave my mistakes behind me..."

I don't know what to say, after everything that happened to me and all the talks I had with Yuri. Instead of wanting to forget everything, I just acknowledged what had happened and understood that it was a part of me. I tried to look at the events as something that made me grow. It didn't matter how painful everything was—every touch, every lie, every bandage, they all made me grow and learn something.

Matteo, on the other hand, wants to move on, but it's like his nightmares are monsters following him. I can see how not being able to move on hunts him, how everything hunts him. I wish I could do something for him, but unfortunately, there are things we need to do alone.