Lost Voices

The Best Friend Cliché: Fifteen

I stare wide-eyed at Grey, trying to process his words inside my head. My mouth hangs open, but no words come out. I think I feel him squeeze my hand, but It's barely noticeable. His gaze studies mine and I know he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking. If he can read minds, Grey would probably find jumbled up thoughts inside my brain.

I've been in love with you fourteen times.

It feels like his words are bouncing off the walls of Luke's basement. They continue to echo as I try to decide whether this is just a prank or if Grey really is confessing to me. No, it can't be real. I've been pining over my best friend for months and now he suddenly likes me. It can't possibly be true.

Fourteen times.

Where was I during this fourteen times? How was I unaware that Grey had harbored feelings for me before? Am I really that dense? I can't even think of one moment when he has possibly been in love with me.

I shake my head and furrow my eyebrows at him. Tears are stinging behind my eyes, but I refrain from letting them out. I tug my hand out of his grip and Grey frowns at me. I can feel a huge lump forming in my throat and I'm struggling to speak.

"Y-you...you c-can't do that, Grey."

I clench both of my fists. I can't seem to look at him and my gaze drifts towards the floor. I can't hold onto the tears anymore and my vision turns blurry. Tears start flowing down my cheeks and Grey's hand tries to touch my thigh, but I turn my body away from him.

"You can't j-just say that you love me. It won't make t-things better."

I want to scream at him. To hit him. I want to hit him so badly, but I don't. Not because I choose not to, but because I can't. I can never intentionally hurt Grey.

I abruptly stand up and he tries to reach for my arm, but I jerk away from him.

"We're supposed to be best friends and this is no way to treat your best friend."

I suck in a sob.

"I never thought you would make me feel this way."

Without wasting another second, I rush towards the basement stairs. I hear Grey call out my name, but I don't dare turn back. My heart is hammering against my rib cage and I struggle to breath between my sobs.

I don't know if Grey is following me or not and I wish he isn't. I weave through the crowd, surprisingly happy that there are so many people here. I bow my head as I make my way towards the living room, hoping beyond hope that no one will recognize me. I want to disappear. Whether it be turning into vapor or being swallowed by a black hole would be fine.

When I stumble out the front door, I let the night air try to calm me down, but it's no use. My hiccups are uncontrollable and my sobbing never stops. I wipe at the tears on my cheeks as I continue to walk away from Luke's house. My knees are weak, but I will myself to walk down the sidewalk.

If Grey has been in love with me fourteen times then does that mean that he's like me? He can't make up his mind about his feelings for me. Maybe in one moment he was in love with me and in the next he wasn't. I guess we have a lot more in common than I thought.

My knees wobble and I try to continue walking, but I can barely take another step. I carefully kneel down and take a seat on the concrete. Hopefully no one will see me sulking out here while a party is going on next door. Running up the basement stairs and back into a hallway full of teenagers with teary eyes was already embarrassing enough.

I wipe furiously at the tears on my cheeks and silently wish that the night would be over or better yet, I could wake up in my room and realize that all of this is just a dream. I hate the hiccups escaping my throat and I hate the invisible hand crushing my stupid heart. I hate the loud music coming from Luke's house and I hate the heavy feeling in my chest.