It seems we write when we're melancholy, when the world seems to be at the tip of our fingers but with a snap it's vanished.
I write when I'm blue, I need to write when I'm purple, yellow, red and green.
It seems this week took an unhealthy turn, from thinking I had everything figured out to human made things getting under my skin. It's quite enlightening to see that most of our issues come from things we can't control, things which were made up and prescribed into the world to "grow" and "control" our economy.
When did such manmade things become so overpowering to the point that it crushes one's dreams.
We as people are different, when an individual comes from a broken home they either succumb to the pressures of such broken relationships; broken ideas and stuck in this endless cycle of bad karma. But, we also have individuals who come from broken homes and strive to do better, they get filled with the idea that the world is their oyster, they become doctors, lawyers, accountants only to surpass the toxic environment they once knew.
The thing with that path, is that now you've weighed the world on your shoulders. Constantly looking behind your shoulders to remind yourself of how life once was, obsessed with the structure and knowledge; have you chosen that path for pure ego?
I am constantly reminded that people solely do things for themselves; doctors help people yes, but they also get the satisfaction of the feeling that they've done something good. Lawyers act as justice for those who've been failed by the justice system, just lawyers are also the ones with blood on their hands.. Possibly it's not through choice, or possibly they only called the shots, but nonetheless the become lawyers because they believe selfishly that they can make a difference in the world. Accountants, they're different, watching and counting over peoples money.
Money, such a funny word.. Only emerging 5,000 or so years ago. Weird concept, a society that's now obsessed with money and power, riches and class.
One may ask themselves, how do I grow from this situation I'm in right now to become successful. Successful in riches? With a big lavish house?
How do I pursue happiness, with such a dark melancholic world around me? When you have your toe half through the door, and half out it may seem you experience life with heightened ups, but also extravagant downs.
How do I only attract gratitude? Humility maybe? How can I feed my inner-self without confining myself to one certain group. Everything costs money now as it seems, we first found our own caves, then we built our own houses. Now, we instruct and buy people to build them for us.
We as vessels, can only grow. We are the vehicles, but yet we own vehicles. Does anyone every know where they're truly going?
Possibly not, I'd like to know who I am. A sign, a symbol, through anything. We'd all like that figure to know us our true purpose, rather than waiting to figure things out when we're close to resting eternally.
I know this one is quite melancholic, but maybe it's good to feel these feelings. Possibly it's good to understand these things, write them down and hope that someone else out there is feeling this too.
I want to transcend. Possibly, there's a portal in writing which may help tie everything together. All the mysteries of the world, perhaps instead of sitting around waiting for things to happen I just do it.
Surely, if I feel like moving. We should just move. A new town, city, country. Anywhere and everywhere.
Being a student is dreary, I want to be an author. And yes, I may disappoint those around me but I was put in this world to be, express and feel whichever, however, I would like. And this, this is a feeling.
We can only dream, I am a dreamer. And my dreams become my reality, just as my art through writing is a dream, and will once become reality. Maybe I should stop saying soon, and instead say now.
only then am I truly able to accomplish all in which I want in life.
