And so we meet again...

Chapter 27

I am Y/n Y/L/n, if you are reading this than I do not know how you found it but at least someone will know my story and maybe will hate me a little less for my actions. This is my Suicide Note.

I find its time to tell my story, the reason for the outcome of my untimely death. I will start from a few months before I left Korea. I never wanted to leave, but I was left with no choice, my parents never wanted someone else to be responsible for me, so I had no choice but to leave with them. My parents were amazing people with extremely pure hearts, their intentions were always wholesome and everyone they encountered loved them. Now dont get me wrong I love my parents so much, yet they never had time to be parents, they always worked and never really prioritized me in their lives, I was just there. I had to raise myself as my parents were never home.

Before I left Korea, I had a best friend, Jeon Jungkook. The cute/hottest boy Ive ever met and has the cutest personality. I never realised it when I was a kid (Yes, we have been friends since childhood), but I started falling for him, when we went into high school we drifted apart. He climbed the hierarchy of popularity his first year in, we only spent a year together as he was graduating when I was in 8th grade, and I left in 10th grade.

He had a girlfriend who he was really happy with. So, when I left, I told myself even if I cant get over my feelings for him, I shouldnt tell him because he is happy. The day I left I felt empty. I dont know why but I knew it had something to do with Jungkook. Yes, in Korea I had friends, but no one knew I never wanted to be friends with those girls, that they never liked me, they bullied me in such a subtle way no one noticed, only I knew, only I knew how much it hurt and affected me.

In my new school, I tried to make friends, I really did, but that whole in my heart, the rage for how I let people bully me, how I let what people say to me and think about me have an impact on me. How pathetic I am, how weak I am for thinking so lowly about myself. What makes it worse is that the people who I love has the biggest affect on my life and they dont care about my mental well-being. As much as I tried to make friends in my new school, no one liked me, no one spoke to me. Everyone hated me, and I to this day do not know why. They were just like the girls in Korea, they were manipulative and subtly bullied others, those girls who were victims of their mind games never even realise they were being bullied. They never realised that they slowly lost who they were, and what it was like to do things without being asked to do it. I almost felt bad for them. Almost.

I slowly fell into a depression, developed social anxiety, and felt unbearably lonely. I missed Jungkook even though all I could do was watch him from a far when we grew apart. I felt numb, and I hated it so much I started self-harm. People made fun of me because I always wore long-sleeved clothing. Never did anyone ever check how I was, not even my parents. When they found I had no friends they blamed me, told me I was a problem that I cant fit in. They never once thought that maybe I wasnt willing to lose who I was to fit in, even when I told them that. They always blamed me, told people that I was faulty, I was the only reason I dont have friends, the only reason I was miserable.

After that I started giving up slowly, I had nothing to drive me, nothing to look forward to, nothing. I was left to my thoughts, my hateful thought toward myself, I loathed myself so much that everything I endured I believed I deserved, every ounce of pain I felt, every ounce of hate thrown towards me, hitting me straight in the heart. Soon I was completely numb, I felt absolutely nothing for anyone, except hate for myself. Those girls started hating me even more and started physically beating me, but nothing they did was bad as what I did to myself, the mental abuse I put myself through, the self-harm, everything.

My parents never noticed the scars, the lack of eating, or anything about me really. They were never home to notice. When they passed a few weeks before my graduation, I took that as a chance to return to Korea, I couldnt handle being there much longer and had to leave. I skipped my entire graduation, events, and all. I wrote my final examination papers and could leave.

Even in Korea I still hated myself, nothing really changed just I live in a smaller place. Then one day I heard a engine rev next to me and the minute I saw him, I had hope for happiness. Everything that Jungkook, and BTS done for me made me want to live, but after realising Im dooming him to my fate, I knew I had to let him go, the comments on our friendship, the hate everyone had for me hurt so much. So here I am on this ledge finishing of my story. I decided, I should say this at least to myself, and end my story here, with the only happiness I ever had, the only happiness I ever felt, I love you Jungkook, you can be happy now my love.

Jungkook never knew he was crying until he felt the tears dropping onto his hand, his shirt soaked. He never knew how much Y/n had to endure, he feels terrible that he never knew or even noticed how she was hurting. He knew something was up with her but never pushed her to talk about it. He decides to stop wallowing in his sorrow and to fulfil Y/ns last wish for him to be happy. He honestly didnt know how to merely live without Y/n, but he would try.