One Fate Leads To Another

Chapter 12: The Calm Before The Storm

"The wedding is over, silly." Remus sat next to me. The guests were gone and even Lily and James have left to spend their night together.

"And yet, you are here too. Who's sillier?"

"I'm waiting for you."

"There's no need for that. I just want to take one last look at this beautiful place."

A wedding banquet, how jubilant! It was the one place where I could escape from the brutal reality, the crimes, the war.

"Do you want to be there someday? Standing in the white dress," asked Remus.

He had misread my thought, but I decided to smile back at him.

"What about I make you my wife?" His tone became serious.

I was not expecting a proposal from Remus at all. I was first stunned, then took some time to think about it. Yet, concerning what I'm planning to do as a spy, I couldn't make up my mind.

What if it was the last time he ever treated me so nicely? He would hate me once he knew the truth about what I was capable of doing but will not do. I helplessly looked at him, prepared to see his dim eyes, but they were still surprisingly glimmering in hope.

"I thought about what you said to me every day, especially when I am now living under shelter of James and Sirius. You were right, but thanks to you, though I am still worried and aggrieved, I'm putting more faith in the people in my life."

A million thoughts ran through my head in the flicker of time. The misery I will put on Remus, Lily, and their friends... What is the point of my existence if every action I take is insignificant to the original timeline? How foolish was I, thinking that I'll make everyone's life better? How could I be so confident that I could just play God and change their fate?

Tears ran down my cheeks. Remus didn't know how to act, as he couldn't tell if they were tears of joy or sorrow.

And now, Remus was asking me to make a commitment I knew I could never honour. Should I make a promise I cannot keep? I questioned myself.

Through my blurry vision, I saw lights in his eyes, and in their reflection, I saw me. It was without a doubt, the darkest time, of this era, and of that day. The lights were dim, reminding me of Spinner's End and my naïve days back then. Yet, there's something about his eyes that was so clear and purposeful. What should I say to him?

I swear I'm not trying to lead you on
I promise I'm not lying, I don't know what I want
And I swear I've been weighing the pros and cons
But I'm still nowhere closer to saying what we're not
I think you might be the wrong person
But you found me at the right time
And I don't want to leave you hurting
So I've been keeping you in mind
I wish I could tell you just how I feel
But I'm just so conflicted I can't tell you what's real

---- Dafna, easy

    A wise, calculating bearded man once said, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. I was going to listen to the old man this time.

"Yes, Remus. Yes."

Knowing that it was nothing but an illusion and false hope I was giving the two of us, I buried my head in his shoulders and allowed my tears to wet his lovely suit. Remus probably could not understand where all these tears came from, but he didn't ask. He softly tapped on my head until he calmed me down.

"Sorry about your suit, Remus." He ignored the cloth on his shoulder that was soaked in my tears and dried my tears with his hand. He reached for his pocket and took out a bar wrapped in zinc paper.

"Favor some chocolate?" said Remus casually as he handed it to me. My tears were dried, and I grinned.

That night, I thought about his proposal again. It was probably the most casual proposal I've heard, but it was also one of the sincerest utterances. Undoubtedly, after Sirius heard about it from Remus, he was astonished and left speechless by the unmeasurable stupidity of his friend.

"That's all you had done?!" Sirius almost yelled at Remus. "Moony, you didn't even get her a ring?"

"It seems like the right place and the right time, so I asked her," said Remus with an innocent look on his face. "What's wrong with that?"

"You did it all wrong! James sent Lily flowers, had a pretty set-up and prepared a family ring for her when he proposed. Moony, if you are certain you've done it properly, how do you explain her weeping on your shoulder?"

"Well, they could be tears of joy..." Remus was taken aback by Sirius' aggressive words, he began to flashback to that night. "She was probably bothered by something else, something I didn't understand."

Sirius sighed and rested his arm on Remus' shoulder. "At least give her something valuable to you as proof... It's not like we're in the most pleasant time. There's a war coming. She might need a stronger reassurance."

Remus understood what Sirius was suggesting, but he was not very wealthy; one could even call him poor. He did not want to give me any random object, so he never got me a 'reassuring' gift.

A week later, Dumbledore sent him to be a spy among the werewolves. Remus couldn't possibly refuse such an important role. Having eyes in the enemy's camp was crucial. He found me and said that he was sorry he could make no promises.

"Is this what the tears were about that night?" he finally asked me this question.

"Yes," I lied.

He held me in his arms. "I'm a fool. None of that should have happened. I shouldn't have asked you to marry me. You'll have to hide! Be on the run and hide from both sides! "

"Remus, I..." This was not his fault at all.

"I was a fool... Seeing that James and Lily got married and thought I could do the same. Don't you see what I could have left you to be? An outcast! An outcast!"

"Looks like we are both unfit for marriage."

"What? No, Lizzie..."

"I'm also going to work for Dumbledore as a spy."

He stared at me for a very, very long time. "Yes, then I imagine we are both unfit for marriage."

"How peculiar that every time I struggle, you are capable of telling me the exact thing that can make me feel better?" He asked.

I simply threw him a grateful grin.

Our war began.