BISHOP SECURITY. TRANSCRIPT LOG. FN 19932. 12/14/25.
212-528-6138: Are you home yet?
F4NNY L0V3R: Am I with you?
212-528-6138: No.
F4NNY L0V3R: Then no, I am not home yet.
212-528-6138: Will you be home soon?
F4NNY L0V3R: I'll be home as soon as I can.
212-528-6138: Okay because I need you back.
F4NNY L0V3R: Do you need me or do you need everything on your shopping list?
212-528-6138: All of the above. Ow, ow, ow.
F4NNY L0V3R: Sounds sore. Are you okay?
212-528-6138: No... I think I'm dying.
F4NNY L0V3R: You are not dying.
212-528-6138: How could you possibly know?
F4NNY L0V3R: I'm going to ignore your callousness as you are in pain, but I will remind you that I didn't ask them to spay me like a fucking dog.
212-528-6138: Well, would you choose to have periods?
F4NNY L0V3R: Absolutely not. They're disgusting.
212-528-6138: Then let me have this- Pff, owww.
F4NNY L0V3R: Fine. Fine. Technically, you could be dying. Have you tried sitting upside down?
212-528-6138: Fuck you.
F4NNY L0V3R: Darling, we talked about this.
212-528-6138: You're hilarious, but seriously, fuck yo- yeesh. Owy. Honey, it hurts.
F4NNY L0V3R: Okay, okay. I'm hurrying. I have painkillers, lots. I have potatoes and onions and stuff for latkes.
212-528-6138: Happy Hanukkah to me right?
F4NNY L0V3R: Mazel tov and condolences, but at least you now have an excuse to eat more than your body weight in potatoes.
212-528-6138: Babe, I have never needed an excuse.
F4NNY L0V3R: That's good because I have your chocolate too.
212-528-6138: My Baby Ruths?
F4NNY L0V3R: Yes, I got your Baby Ruths.
212-528-6138: You're wonderful. I love your face.
F4NNY L0V3R: I have a six pack of knish for you, as per instructions.
212-528-6138: One is never enough.
F4NNY L0V3R: And a six pack of Baltika for me.
212-528-6138: A little excessive don't you think?
F4NNY L0V3R: But they didn't have Half-Baked so I got Cookie Doughs and Chocolate Fudge Brownie and I'll mix them together for you when I get home.
212-528-6138: Did you know that you're perfection?
F4NNY L0V3R: I have been told that before actually. But I think it was more, 'you're the ultimate assassin' rather than 'you're the ultimate ...person.'
![](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/319080346-288-k230358.jpg)
YOU ARE READING
Christmas in July
Fiksi PenggemarWith Yelena in NYC for mysterious reasons and Kate on a job for a mystery friend, our two future bffs finally share that drink and ultimately quite a bit more. This is currently a 30 chapter fic on Ao3 I'll be posting a chapter a day for the next 3...