Motionless At Night

chapter 4

A/N sorry i've been off line for a while. I got in trouble at school because I called some girls wearing matching Harry Styles shirts sluts. Its not my fault their stupid preps and they fuck every guy in our school. Anyways Mr. Hansen gave me ISS (fucking snitch) and my mom took my laptop again bc "I raised you better than this", but whatever. Its not like she even raised me anyways. But I'm back now. :-)

On Friday I woke up in Time Square in New York. I've always wanted to go to New York. And its my birthday! I was so excited to play my set later. Chris assembled a backing band for me with Kellin Quinn on bass, Vic Fuentes on drums, Johnny Craig on guitar, Devin Sola on backing vocals and Spencer Charnas playing backup guitar. We had one practice during an off day, and I was feeling pretty confident about our set. Chris was cuddling with me in the bunk (in wolf form), he had his snout nuzzled up into my neck. I felt so safe with him. I'm so glad that he is in my life. I still feel guilty over the fact that I had sex with Ronnie. He still doesn't know. I don't know what he'll think of me if he finds out. I kiss him on the wolf nose and nudge him off of me so I can get out of the bunk. He whined but jumped out of the bed and went back to sleep in his wolf bed. If I want to look perfect for my 12:00 set, I need to start getting ready now. I start by combing my wild messy black mane, making sure my purple streak was showing. I used to be so insecure about it and I'm so glad I can finally accept it as a part of me.

I put on my black fishnets and over that I put on my ripped skinnies. I put on the cropped "normal people scare me" maternity crop top so that everyone could see the baby bump which was now around the size of a cantelope. I wanted to show off my ice blue and jet black eyes so I did my ice blue eye with a black smokey eye and then I did my jet black eye with a blue-white smokey eye. It made my eyes pop and I looked so unique. I put in black and blue 20-guage guages into my ears to match the makeup. I finished the look with my knee high converse with black and blue laces.

It was 10:30 and I went to the food tent to get breakfast. I ordered a virgin pina colada and shepherds pie (pregnancy craving). I love pina coladas and i miss the rum, but this will do for now. I ate quickly and went over to New Years Day's bus to wait for my set. I knocked on the door but Ash wouldn't let me in. She's been really weird and secretive lately. Im not sure what she's doing. Since she doesn't want to talk to me, I went to hang out with Arsyn, Ricky Horror's girlfriend. She was really cool and we only hung out a couple times before today but I wanted to hang out with her more so we went to get lunch. We talked about my pregnancy and she was asking me a lot about my experience with it which felt nice that someone cared enough to ask but she seemed to want to know a lot about it which was kind of weird. She's still really cool though and I think its important for me to make friends with the other band members girlfriends.

After our quick lunch I met with the guys in my band to do sound check. The festival wasn't open yet so it was just all the other band members hanging around and they seemed impressed. I was kind of sad that I didn't see Jonathan Davis in the crowd, but maybe he'll catch my actual set. I really wanted him to see my scatting. Around 11:45 people started gathering around the stage, ready to watch us. I was a little confused because a lot of them were carrying gift bags with them. I wonder who those were for.

At 12:00 we started our set on the journey's right foot stage. We opened with Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls with Kellin singing harmonies with me and our voices blended so well together, its like we were made to sing together. I started crying in the middle of the song since it was just so deep and it meant to much to me to be here at warped tour singing it with my best friends. Then we played The Drug in Me is Reimagined by Falling in Reverse, with Ghost playing piano. In a lot of ways I felt like that song in particular described my relationship with Ronnie. He was probably not good for me but it felt so good. I just wanted to roll him up into a joint and smoke him. He made me kind of understand why Aunt Lyndia was like that.