Dear Loser

the football game.

"It's your best friend's ex!"
It's all i keep hearing. We were doomed at the start practically. No one would ever support us. I'm wrong. You loved my best friend. Not me. Me kissing you under the stadium lights was a mistake. You begging for a hug before i left was a sin. Us holding hands in front of her was evil. Me not stopping the smile you created was uncalled for. Me falling in love on a hill is cliche. It's just a phase. We'll never last. Filling my camera roll with your face is immature. Asking for your sweaters and ur cologne is clingy. Giving you nicknames. Pinning our messages. Texting you all day. Memorizing your favorite smells. Recognizing the clothing brand you favor. All of it is idiotic. Me willing to do anything for you. Me blocking all boys if you just ask. Me showing you off to everyone. I'm suddenly obsessed.
That's what they all say.

but that can't be true.
i want to hold u on late nights. no words. just the air compacting around us. i want to meet your family, make them my own. i want to hear all the embarrassing stories from when you were a baby. i want to go to haunted houses with you in the fall and drink hot cocoa while watching cringey hallmark movies in the winter. i want to be comfortable with you when were at our worst. i want to be able to tell you everything. i want to learn every scar and freckle from your toes to your fingertips. i want to grow and learn with you. i don't want your body. i will gladly love you without your body. i want your brain and all it's thoughts. all the over thought things. all the memories. i want to know it all. i want your heart. i want to know your mine. i want to know what your soft spots are. i want your voice. to hear how it sounds when your focused. to hear how you sound when your serious or when you can't hold in a laugh. it's not wrong. it can't be.