Seret

Chapter 5

Mathew and Liana, fire, 2009 was typed into the computer at the local internet Café. Seret anxiously waited for the page to load. Her heart was racing, her body felt like her entire past had just been washed away and reset. She often looked around her, wary if someone was watching. Her foot was tapping viciously under the table. She checked her phone in her backpack again, it was still off. As soon as she had made it far enough away from the house she turned off her phones location, silenced it just in case, and powered it off. She slipped on navy blue cap and hid herself under the umbrella. She used her allowance and bought a bus ticket to the far side of town, where no one could recognise her. She couldn't understand why she was doing this, but there was just an unexplainable force driving her to do so.
The Café was quiet, she sat alone at table with a window view. A short woman wearing a red top and jeans covered with a white apron came up to Seret and offered her an iced tea on the house. 'We're quieter than usual today, thought maybe you needed it.' she smiled and left the drink on the table then walked away. Only then did Seret realise that droplets of tears had rolled down her eyes. Her emotions felt sirred up, she couldn't process any of them right now. The computer let off a ding notification. She hurriedly wiped her face and focused back on the screen. Hundreds of sites came up, each only had one factor she was looking for in common- fire. There were no names of Mathew or Liana. Eventually, she found 3 cases in their city from 2009. She carefully studied each of them. The first was caused by a gas leak in local shop, no deaths. The second was caused by a stove accidentally left on in an apartment building, 2 deaths. The third was caused by faulty wiring in a suburban house, 5 deaths. That has to be the one, Seret thought. If only she asked Emily just a bit more information before leaving, like were was the house, or even just their surnames would have done good. But no, she didn't. She just left. She left behind everything. If she went back, she may not get this opportunity again. Why did this feel so easy and so hard at the same time? She requested the waitress to print out the article, said it was for a school project, paid the bill and left the Café.
People filled the streets. This side of the city was unlike the part she had known. Here it was vibrant and filled with energy. There were shops and stalls on every corner. Many kids roamed around throughout the day and cars were always on the road. She didn't feel lost in an abandoned street. Still though, she didn't want to stick out so she tucked her hair back under the cap and kept her head down as she walked in between the crowd. She needed to get somewhere were she could be alone and think. Eventually she made her way to a local community center that wasn't currently in use. She found a cosy little corner, dumped her backpack down and sat cross-legged. She spread out the pages infront of her. She took out a pencil and began circling any bits of important information. For once, it felt like all the work on summarizing and making mind maps that they had done in school would go the good use. In the end, she came up with a simple story. There was an electrical fire. The house had a total of 10 people living in it. 5 bodies were recovered, but identities remained unknown. As per anonymous request, any personal information remains unknown as well. In the end, 4 children were taken into foster care, one child remained missing and the case was closed. They suspected that the missing child must have also died or ran away. Seret felt certain that this was it was this case. The only question was, was she the run away?
'Ugh!'
In frustration, she lashed at the pages sending them scattering across the room. 'Why can't there just be more! That's all I want, that's all I want!' She rubbed her eyes trying to keep herself sane. She just needed a name, a full name, that's all. Then she could contact that person and find her family. She had so many questions for them. What were her parents like? Why did she look so different? Why didn't any of them claim her, was she not good enough? A part of her wanted to find them so they could be reunited, but she also desired to know if she was ever acceptable for them. Sometimes that's all she really ever wants from people, just to be accepted as she is. And now she had run away from the only people who did love her, on the hunt for a family that she doesn't even know if they exist, what if she'll never be able to get accepted by them the same way again? All she wanted to do was curl up and cry her heart out. But could she? If she did, would it mean she's given up? No, she couldn't. She had to have some clarity in her life for once, some truth, some sort of reassurance that she wasn't just a nobody. Even though she was always happy and accepting of herself, she always knew deep down inside that there was a chance nobody would like her and that she'd be rejected. She knew that ever since the day that Lance got to her. She saw how ugly the world had been. She saw how others had seen her. She saw that day just how much she could feel unwanted. Now, knowing the truth, she felt almost certain that Lance was right. Why hadn't mum, Emily, just told her the truth? Emily could have contacted her family and gave Seret what she needed. Not that she didn't feel loved by Emily, but she did always feel like there was something a little too perfect about they're relationship, aside from her being a bird with clipped wings. There were also certain days were Emily just dissappeared without explination. Seret would wake up to an empty house, go to school alone and come home. It was only the next morning were Emily magically re-appeared, like nothing was wrong. There were times when Seret felt neglected, like when Emily hadn't spoken to Seret about what happened that day with Lance. Yes, that's right. After her 'child' was brutally bullied, she just said she was sorry and that's it. The incident was never spoken off again, Lance got off with a warning and everyone moved on. No self reassurance or comfort, not even a hug with Emily saying, 'It's okay. Things will get better.'. But somehow Seret had always excused her. 'Mum's just sick. I'm sure she'd be here if she could.' She would say. Yes , Emily did care for her, but Seret wouldn't say that she loved her. Seret knew that now, all of it. She just hoped that maybe now someone else would love her.
After some time, she stood and collected all the pages telling herself to stop feeling sorry for herself. She did have a hard time recently, but she wasn't planning on becoming a depressed overthinker who kept moaning on about how she was lied to all her life.
She gathered her things making sure not to leave behind any trace and headed out. Her next idea was to ask people, as many as she could about fire, and hope that someone would be able to help her out.
She started in the park just a few blocks away from the center. Politely she approached many stranges with the same question, 'Do you by any chance remember the fire of 2009 were 5 people had died?' To those who said yes, she followed up with questions like, 'Do you know the family who was staying there?' Or 'Do you know where it was?' But unfortunately, nobody could help her out. After a few hours of asking in and around the area, she decided to take a break before she was given one more negative answer. She bought a slice of pizza and sat on a green bench bordering the sidewalk. Her stomach grumbled, the pizza did enough to satisfy it though. She looked opposite the street into the window of a thrift shop. There was a huge digital clock displayed. The time was 11:56 am. The early morning gloom had passed and the sun was beaming down, radiating it's heat. Seret leaned back, locked her hands behind her head trying to think, but when she did she felt something behind her press against her back. It was and envelop. Someone walking past must have dropped it, she thought. But when she looked at the back of it it was addressed to The girl asking about 2009 fire. She dubiously opened it and pulled out a small clipping of paper that read I have the info you want. I will help you but in private. Meet me in the alley 120 meters to your right after sundown. Burn this page after reading it...
Seret was almost shaking. She didn't know what to do. She carefully considered meeting with the mysterious stranger as this could be her chance to get some answers but she knew well enough that trusting someone you don't know can go horribly wrong. She sat on that bench another hour weighing out her options with the page still squashed in her hand. After deep thought she hatched a plan that she assumed was fool proof. She was desperate for something, anything, and she was willing to risk it. It was decided then. She'll meet them. For the rest of the day she just tried to blend in and roam around. Later on, she left her backpack with a letter explaining what had happened and the same envelope that the stranger gave in a place that she knew it would be found within the hour. She proceeded to the alley and she had carried her phone with 911 pre dialed into it, her thumb on the call button. The alley was dark and isolated. Whoever this person was, they clearly were skeptical about letting anyone know about their meeting. At the very end, a stubby man covered in all black stood, the only light source was the half moon, he spoke in very coarse voice, 'You the girl? Name?'
'Um, yes, I'm her. Name's Amanda.' Lied Seret.
'Off the phone.'
Seret looked surprised. How could he have known. She was careful enough to keep it hidden in her pocket with the brightness low. She didn't want to off it so she took it out, crouched and set it on the ground.
'Off it.' He repeated. Then took out something from his pocket and said, 'Now, Seret.' He ordered.
Seret looked stupefied. She then gazed up and it was at that moment when she knew that she screwed up big time, at that moment she wished she could have a do-over, because in the moonlight there was the glinting of a pistol pointed straight at her.