Save Me But Don't Hurt Yourself. Justin Phan x Y/n fanfiction.

Chapter 23 ~ CoMfOrT

TW: ED

Y/ns POV

I sit down beside him, "What's going on? and don't say nothing because something is."

"I don't know where to start."

"How about you start with why you were crying in the car, hmm?"

"I puked. At the restaurant, I mean. I thought I was getting better, I had to have, I ate a  pack of chips earlier. I don't know why I thought I was better. I'm not. And it's so bad. I puked twice Justin. I- I-,don't know."

"C'mere, I'm going to hug you, okay?"

I beat him to it and wrap my arms around him, resting my head onto his chest.

"How are you feeling?"

I shrug, not sure of how to answer.

"That's not an answer precious, talk to me. What are you feeling right now about this whole situation?"

"Scared. Anxious. Disgusting." I pull away and stand infront of him.

"And whys that?"

"I hate myself. I wish I was so much different than I am. You know exactly how hard it is to care for me and be there for me. I'm problematic."

"Y/n, you're not problematic, you jus have issues. And you're learning to deal with them. It takes everyone time to move on, not only time but support and help, as well. You've never experienced that. Now that you are it'll take time. You're simply going through a phase where you're learning to love yourself and respect yourself for the amazing human being you are."

I'm crying. I know I prolly sound like a cry a baby, crying 24/7, but I'm on my period so I'm emotional bitches.

"Can I hug you?"

"Yes, Y/n, you don't have to ask me for a hug. I have open arms for whenever you need one."

I hug him and rest my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. "I'm sorry."

"You have no reason, sweetheart. It's okay. You're allowed to feel what you're feeling."

"Can I be honest? Like don't say anything, just listen. Please?"

"Okay."

I sigh before taking a seat beside him.

"I feel like such a bitch. I'm always bothering you with my problems. And you always have to help me and deal with it all. And no matter how many times you say that you're free to help me or you don't have problems, I know you're lying. I can tell how hard you are on yourself Justin. And I want to help you, so bad. I jus don't know how to. I wish I could just be normal. And here I am making shit all about me and I feel like an asshole. You deserve so much better. You don't deserve to have to deal with me and it makes me so mad that you put up with it all. I want to get up and leave and never talk to you again, to save you from all the misery. I just can't. I just can't drop everything and walk away cuz you mean so much to me and that's eating away at me. I'm being selfish, when I should be thinking about what's best for you cause you've helped me so much, Don't say anything, just think about what I said. Hopefully you'll realize you don't deserve me."

I grab my phone before a hand grabs mine.

I turn around only to see Justin staring at me with a look of anger on his face.

I can tell he wanted to argue but he decided to listen and keep his mouth shut.

I try to wriggle my hands free, but before I could fully get them out of his grip he pulled me into him.

I have no idea how long we sat there, it could've been a couple of minutes or hours of him holding me.

In general, to be honest Justin's such a good guy, he's a keeper. I jus wish he was so much more confident in himself. He's amazing, really. He always knows what do to, he's supportive, he's beautiful. I wish he could see how beautiful he is.

I turn my face upwards and look up at him, admiring his face.

"Justin,"

"Hmm?"

"You know that you're really beautiful right? You're so fucking handsome."

He smiles and his eyes crinkle up, "Why, thank you, but trust me, compared to the other boys, I'm nothing." (to clear up: I'm not stating any of this is true or that the other boys are better then Justin. This is just smt I think he'd think abt considering everyone he lives w and how he's usually uncomfortable showing his body. please don't take any of this serious)

"Shut the fuck up you dumbass. Personally, I think you're better than them."

He laughs and kisses my forehead.

"Let's head to bed now, hm?"

"That sounds good, actually, can we watch a movie?"

"Sure which one?"

"KUNG FU PANDAAAAAA!"

"Alright," He replies, while laughing.

Grabbing his laptop he picks up the comforter and motions for me to get in.

I get in and snuggle in the corner as he lays down, placing the laptop between us.