It's you

Hawthornes POV
"I'm sorry for your loss..."

As soon as that line left the officers mouth, I whipped around to look at Francis. He was staring at the ground, shadows covering his face. I couldn't make out what he was thinking nor the expression he wore. I reached over to console him but he turned on me so fast it made my head spin.

"You!" He seethed as he glared at me, his eyes burning brighter then the fire that just got put out.

I stumbled back as if he just hit me, the pure hatred in his eyes felt like stabs to the heart as he started towards me. I looked around but no one was near, it was just us two.

"F-Francis! What are you doing!? What's wrong!? What did I do!?" I echoed the thoughts that swirled around my head. He either did hear me, or if he did he's not responding. "Fran-"

A loud crack echoed through the trees, sending flocks of birds screeching into the air as my head snapped to side. I stared at the ground as drips of blood landed on the concrete. I slowly lifted my head up and saw Francis seething at me.

If we were in a cartoon you'd be able to see trails of steam puffing out of his ears and out his nose, and if looks could kill I'd be dead over and over again by the look he was giving me.

I don't know how to explain it, I couldn't look into his eyes long enough to decipher the emotions swirling around. But there was an emotion that stood out the most, it was loathing, and it was directed at me, for something I don't know I did.

He opened his mouth and said something that broke me. "I fucking hate you Hawthorne, I hate you so FUCKING MUCH!" His dangerously calm voice broke into a shout as I turned on my heal and ran, tears flowing down my cheeks as I ran to the train station and boarded the next one home. My heart broke and that look in his eyes is always going to haunt my nightmares.

A couple days later
I opened my eyes as the soft knocks on my door became loud and hard. I heard my mothers hurt voice drifting in through the door.

"Hawthorne, honey , I know you're hurt and feel betrayed but if you keep skipping school than you're going to loose your spot in the Wundrous Society."

I ignored her and rolled over to face the wall. I couldn't care less if I lost my spot, mostly because he's there and I don't want to be near him ever again. My mother soon gave up and let me wallow in peace.

I had fallen into a depression after that dreadful day, the one person who I loved more then anything, blamed me for the fire that killed his girlfriend, he hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me. I stopped going to school, stopped eating, stopped leaving the house and hanging out with friends.

I can tell my family is worried and scared for me but at this moment, I couldn't careless.

A few hours later, I got up and walked down the stairs, stopping at the middle one as I leaned over the railing and listening to my mother talk to my father about me.

"I'm worried for him! He doesn't leave his room, he doesn't eat, he doesn't even go outside anymore!"

I grinned darkly, if only she knew that I was sitting on the stairs listening.

My father ran a hand down his face and scolded. "Honey I know you're worried and I am too! But what can we do!? We just need to wait until he's ready to talk to us, we can't force our son to do what he doesn't want to do and he's dealing with stuff that we don't know, and it's eating him alive! I'm worried for his mental health because I know partly what he's going through, I know what it's like to have depression, I know how hard it is to seek help. All we need to do is be patient and keep reminding him that we are there for him and that we love him..."

That's all I heard before running up the stairs and closing my door silently. I slid down and leaned my head against my door as sobs forced their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks. My body shook as rows upon rows of tears stained my face. I hugged my knees to my chest and heaved a heavy breath.

Time seemed to slow as I sat there on the floor, I had given up on wiping my eyes since they'd just get replaced by more tears. I was hurting my family, I was hurting the people who loved me, I was hurting the very people who supported me unconditionally when I came out...

I forced my self to stand and started pacing. You can see the groves in the floor where I worn the wood by pacing. I gulped as my eyes laid on the razor, the many scars embedded in my skin flashed in my eyes as I ripped my gaze away from it.

I paused as my favourite song came on to the radio. Numb Little Bug. (Play the song if u want to and sing along to the lyrics)

"I don't feel a single thing
Have the pills done too much
Haven't caught up with my friends in weeks
And now we're outta touch"

That verse hits hard as I haven't had any contact with any friends.

"I've been driving in L.A.
And the world it feels too big
Like a floating ball that's bound to break
Snap my psyche like a twig"

"And I just wanna see if you feel the same as me"

"Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive"

I look behind me as my dad opened the door and leaned on the doorway. He smiled sadly as he sung the next bit.

"Like your body's in the room but you're not really there
Like you have empathy inside but you don't really care
Like you're fresh outta love but it's been in the air
Am I past repair?"

I returned the sad smile. "A little bit tired of tryin' to care when I don't
A little bit tired of quick repairs to cope"

A sob escaped me as I looked at the floor. "A little bit tired of sinkin'
There's water in my boat
I'm barely breathin'
Tryna stay afloat
So I got these quick repairs to cope
Guess I'm just broken and broke"

"The prescriptions on its way
With a name I can't pronounce
And the dose I gotta take
Boy, I wish that I could count"

My father moved into the room and closed the door. He stood in front of me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "'Cause I just wanna see if this could make me happy"

We both sung this bit. "Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive"

I sung this bit. "Like your body's in the room but you're not really there
Like you have empathy inside but you don't really care
Like you're fresh outta love but it's been in the air"

Me and my dad. "Am I past repair?"

The lyrics get lost in the background as me and my hugged.

"A little bit tired of tryin' to care when I don't
A little bit tired of quick repairs to cope
A little bit tired of sinking
There's water in my boat
I'm barely breathin'
Tryna stay afloat
So I got these quick repairs to cope"

"Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like a numb little bug that's gotta survive
That's gotta survive"

We sat down on my bed. His arm around my shoulder and my head on his.

He hummed along to the rest of the song as I stared off into the distance, zoning out.

I didn't realise he stopped humming until I heard a deep chuckle and glanced up at my father, seeing him smiling at me and ruffling my hair.