A Promise of Fire

Chapter 5

Note: This painting is called "Agnus" and was made by Konstantin Korobov in 2022. 

The weeks passed so quickly that they still seemed like some kind of dream that I had not yet managed to wake up from. The loss of my parents was still eating me up inside, despite everything I still missed them and I wonder if something could have gone differently that night if I had simply obeyed as usual. The unanswered questions swirling around in my brain endlessly only added to the weight on my back.

These days I have seen more closely how cruel Monika can be to the other children here, but on the other hand I admire her. I admire her will to survive above all else.

The week before, while Mrs.Bauer was once again absent, she purposely pushed a girl down the stairs during lunchtime supposedly because she hadn't given her permission to pass in front of us in the hallway.

Everyone laughed. Nobody tried to help her, nobody scolded Monika for her mean and childish behavior, as if they knew who they were dealing with. And those who didn't agree, like me, preferred to keep their gaze down in order to stay out of the matter. I realized that my first impression of Monika was quite wrong. She is not the leader because of her beauty or captivating personality, she is the leader because of her perceptiveness in assessing people and situations quickly. She knows how to attract people in a magnetizing way, and how to manipulate them and trap them in a spider web from which they can see no other way out than to submit to her wills. She took hold of me and like other children, she noticed that I could be useful and quickly found a way to give me what I wanted in return - companionship and petty privileges.

But lately the price for having Monika's company by my side was becoming unreasonably expensive. Every day she was asking more and more of me. To do homework or take double shifts in the kitchen for her or the older children, simply because they offered us privileges like extra food, more free time, or privacy in the bathroom in the morning. But to get access to those privileges, someone had to give something in return, and her current gold coin seemed to be me. She thinks she has total control over me, when in fact the one who gave her permission for that control in the first place was me. And today is another one of those days when I wonder again about the advantages of this unspoken contract between us.

"I have great news girls." Monika said addressing Ingrid and me as she entered the room. "I just talked to Karl, the one who runs Mrs. Bauers' errands outside, and he told me that he managed to steal a piece of steak from the military police wagon today, and he is willing to share it with us for dinner in exchange for doing his bathroom chores for two weeks." she gave a little smile and sat on the bed looking at us waiting for our reaction.

"Holy Walls! That's completely phenomenal!" Ingrid got up from the bed under mine and gave a little squeak. "I can't even remember the last time I ate a piece of meat."

I ignored her and asked Monika directly "How did he even manage to steal from the military police?" not wanting to sound like I was calling her a liar but it's not like stealing from the military police is a no brainer.

"It appears that a gang that usually steals supplies that military policemen bring to the Underground, attacked last night and caused a huge commotion, and during the chaos Karl took the opportunity to steal a piece of meat dropped in the mayhem without anyone noticing."

"Who cares how he got it? What matters is that we got luck on our side." Ingrid shook my shoulders in her excitement. But I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of anyone standing up to the military police here in the Underground. From the stories I heard from my parents, the people here are not fighters, many of them have given up on everything including their own lives. In here there are only hopeless people, where the only thing they fight for is themselves, not others. But maybe my parents were wrong, maybe there really are people out there fighting for something bigger than them.

"So in light of this great news Helen, I wanted to ask if you could do Karl's cleaning for these two weeks. That way we can all enjoy one of the best dinners we've ever had." and there it was, what I had expected would happen. Monika's requests were never simply that and everyone knew it. She doesn't order, she demands. I never ate meat, so it wasn't something fundamental for me.

Why should I sacrifice two weeks of my time to have something that makes no difference to me? I'm tired of taking orders from this imbecile. If the price for saying no to her is to lose these little privileges, then so be it. I'll find a solution to get what I want in another way.

" No".

A huge silence spread over the walls of the room, almost as if everyone in the building had heard my words and realized the mistake I was making. Ingrid's smile was gone, and she was gawking at me with her big blue eyes as if begging me to say that I was simply joking and nothing more.

For a moment I saw Monika's mask drop. I saw the surprise in her eyes as if she didn't expect me, a small orphan, to contradict her. Quickly she pulled herself together and her eyes narrowed, and with a cold tone she spoke "I don't think you fully understand your position, little girl. Without me on your side, you wouldn't have half the privileges you have now. If I were you, I would reconsider my decision. Fast."

"Please, Monika. Spare me the lecture. I'm already well aware of how things work around here, and I know what the consequences of my decision are, and yet I'm not going to go back on it. Why should I waste two weeks of my time so that you can eat a piece of meat? Why should I continue to waste my time on your math and history assignments just because you are not competent enough to do them? Why is Ingrid forced to flirt with boys just so you can have influence on her homework choices or other superficial things? How about you start taking the initiative to finish what you start?" There it is, everything I had been holding inside me, I released it in a stream of words so quickly I don't even know if I had time to breathe or blink.

She laughed for what seemed like an eternity. And then she said "For someone so smart, you really do manage to be equally dumb and naive. I can see you've been sheltered but this is the world we live in, princess. I know you used to live inside your castle with your mommy and daddy before they got burned to a crisp, but it's time to wake up. Either you align yourself with the strong or you are left behind with the weak, there are no neutral zones for anyone here." she got up from her bed and approached me slowly like the wolves from the stories my mom used to read me when they approached their prey. "And if you really think that everything is going to go back to the way it was before we took you in to our group, you're sorely mistaken. What do you think happened to our beloved roommate, Mia? She was another one who didn't know her place, and had to learn a few lessons the hard way. It appears you want to take the same path as her, so I guarantee you this - " she moved closer to my face and in a low but listenable manner said "if you want me to start finishing my projects myself so badly, how about I finish you first, little lamb?"

There it is, a challenge, those I understand well.

I said nothing more for there was nothing more to say. I had made my decision and she had made hers. I got up and left the room. On my way downstairs a thought came to mind.

I hadn't made a friend...I had made an enemy.