At My Worst

Better Together

Trigger warning! Read at your own risk.

-

Five years ago. 2015

"So are you just not gonna do anything about it?" I asked Dahyun

"I have an Idea, get all my documents hide it somewhere so it will be a problem that I can't come with them becuase I don't have my Identification card and everything with me so yeah?" Dahyun told  me.

"Dahyunee what plan is that? like they don't have soft copy of everything." I told her getting frustrated.

"I only have two weeks left wifey I'm really gonna miss you I really don't wanna leave." Dahyun said sadly to me.

"Like do we have a choice?" I said in a low tone. "Five years Dahyunnee five years. There's a lot of possible to happened that can change us. You know?" I said.

"I know but..." She was interrupted to what she about to say when her phone rang.

"Okay fine, I'll be home in 30mins." That's what I heard she said  thru her phone.

"I'm so sorry wifey but I need to go home, Aunt's already looking for me." She said wiht her apologetic look.

"I know, you should go home it's getting late come on I'll walk you to the bus station." I said emotionless getting up didn't wait for to speak again because I'm getting tired of this shit.

-

After I made sure she ride a bus, I waited for her message saying that she's home already, I'm all alone in this house since my mom was with my grand mom in the hospital my  mom was taking care of my grand mom she has been hospitalized for almost seven months now my grand mom has a colon cancer it's scared me the most. She is the only one who cares for me I don't wanna offend my mom but I can't feel her she only thinks about her business and her new boy friend, call me selfish but I don't her to have a new guy I can't trust guys I'm so sure she'll end up getting hurt again since I can feel that her boyfriend is really weird and only wants her money I tried telling my mom that she won't listen, my instinct telling me to not trust that guy. Dahyun and my Grand mom is the only ladies I have they cared for me my grand mom is sick I hate to say this but she's dying sh barely talk because it's hard for her to talk now Dahyun is leaving the country she basically leaving the country but what I feel is she is really leaving me like LDR never works. How is she going to hold me when I needed her close to me? How is she going to comfort me? I can't think straight anymore. There is so many thoughts running to my mind right now. I stand up and look my self in the mirror and get my box of cigarette I lit up the one stick Inhaled and exhale the smoke it helps me to feel better by hitting it I walk to fridge there's one bottle of whiskey left I drink and smoke at the same time asking myself. "Why everyone I love is going to leave me?" I throw on the wall the bottle of whiskey when it's empty "Arghhhhhh! Bullshit!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I kept on thinking when Dahyun said "We're better together." Yeah we are so better together but how about now? We aren't going to be better now because she's leaving me sooner or later alone. I grab the piece of the cracked glass of whiskey that I throw and starting making marks on my writs when I'm hurting myself physically it helps me it ease  the pain the pain that I am feeling emotionally. Screaming and crying in agony Feeling so helpless.

-

I woke up feeling  dizzy saw a lot of blood on the floor then I looked around recalling what I did last night. Oh shit I did it again. I get up and cleaned all the mess I made last night I'm almost done when someone rang the bell means there is someone at the gate I walked to the gate. "Yahh!! Nini why aren't you answering you phone??" Lisa said to me in a loud voice. "Because as you can see I just woke up." I answered kind of annoyed. "You're mom is calling you she called me you need to go to the hospital. Come on! I'm coming with you!!!!" I waste no time  change my clothes grab my wallet and phone whatever it is, I can feel that this important and this is some kind of emergency.

"Mommm!!!!!" I called out my mom as I saw her outside of the waiting area.

"What happened?" I hold her hand and asked as I saw her eyes red and she's crying I can feel myself crying.

"Your grandmom was almost die." My mom 

There  it goes again my tears...

To be continue.....