i'm on the right side (with you)

Chapter 3

The walk back to Merlin's house is done in silence. Enough had been said at the edge of the lake, the words that had been spoken replaying in Merlin's head. He keeps glancing over at Arthur, convincing himself every time he does so that Arthur is here, that Arthur has come back. He looks at Arthur's hair, at how it becomes more bright and blonde as it dries. He looks at Arthur's face, his eyes and the corners of his mouth, at how it feels like he's never gone a day without seeing them smile or smirk. Merlin looks at Arthur, and can almost forget how his world had fallen apart all those years ago, and how he'd spent each day in the decades between. Everything almost feeels normal. Despite how much Merlin likes this dawnting familiarity, he knows that, no matter how hard he can try to ignore the truth, there will be no going back to normal.

As soon as the door has cracked open, a bark echoes from inside. Merlin walks over the threshold, and is greeted by Archie, who rushes towards him, tail wagging and feet running around Merlin. All attention on Merlin is lost as the dog sees Arthur, and in seconds he is outside and jumping onto Arthur, who looks startled by the energetic welcome given by Archie. Merlin smiles as Arthur hesitates, and then gives the dog a tentative pat on the head. Arthur looks up, at Merlin. It catches Merlin off guard, suddenly feeling as if the whole world has its attention solely on him.

"Come in." Merlin says, his voice hoarse and his throat too dry. He steps aside as Arthur walks in, and then closes the door. The world becomes much smaller. He watches Arthur as his eyes trails over the room, down the hallway, up the stairs and across the walls, then back to Merlin. Opening his mouth, Arthur is about to say something, but Merlin cuts him off.

"I'll show you your room, sire."

"I-" Arthur begins, but Merlin interrupts him.

"Would you like a bath?" asks Merlin, as he begins to walk up the stairs. He knows he is avoiding the inevitable, of answering Arthur's questions, and hurting him in the process, but anything that can postpone the truth works in Merlin's favour. He takes Arthur's silence as a yes.

They walk across the landing, the slight creak of the floorboards the only noise between them. Merlin opens the door to Arthur's room, remembering when he'd been so keen to tell Arthur that they are his doors, the ones from his chamber in Camelot. The very thought sickens him. He can't bring it up now, Arthur will ask too much. He will want to know more than what Merlin can be able to tell.

Without looking back to gauge at Arthur's reaction, Merlin walks over to the cupboard, and takes out a range of clothes. The only fabric that had remained from Camelot was Arthur's gown embroidered with the golden dragon crest. Merlin can only hope that Arthur will take well to modern attire. Merlin heads towards the door on the side of the room, where the bathroom is. He places the clothes on the towel rack, twists on the taps of the bath, and shuts the door behind him.

Arthur has returned. Arthur is breathing, standing mere metres from Merlin, his heart beating and his mind thinking. He is the same Arthur that he had been centuries ago. Arthur has returned in a world that he shouldn't belong to and Merlin is on the verge of a panic attack. Arthur needs Merlin, but all he can think about is himself, and how he can't do this, how he can't look at Arthur without being crushed by guilt because he'd told Merlin that he didn't want him to change, and Merlin had ignored him.

Merlin takes a towel from the cupboard and drapes it on the edge of the bath. He dips his hand in the water and adjusts the taps. Breathing feels difficult, but he can not afford to be so selfish, not with Arthur in the room outside the door. Merlin tries to draw in deep breaths, forcing himself to bring each inhale and exhale to last for five seconds.

"Merlin?" a voice, soft and cautious, makes Merlin jump slightly. He clears his throat and loosens the grip that he'd had on the side of the bath. Fortunately, the water has risen by a fair amount.