Tùsaire

Letting Go

April 1769

Cìosamul Castle, Isle of Barra, Scotland

CAILEAN POV

Shouting. Gunshots. The smell of mud and gunpowder, the scent of blood wafting over him in the wind. He opened his eyes and there he was, yet again on Culloden Moor. He had to run. He had to escape... Where were his children? Cat? Jamie? His nieces and nephews?

"Cailean..." He froze; it was Saoirse.

"Saoirse!" he called, pushing through dirtied kilts and redcoats, trying to find her through the mist.

"Cailean..." She was in pain - he had to find her, and fast.

"Saoirse! I'm comin', Saoirse!" Cailean called again. A redcoat with a bayonet came upon him and Cailean punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground, and then he pushed on. In a patch of sunlight there on the moor, he saw her laying in a puddle of her own blood, and he felt faint. "Saoirse! No!" He ran to her side and collapsed down beside her, grasping her hand in his. "Saoirse, my love..."

"Cailean..." she said softly. "Ye must... go on..."

"No, no. I'll not leave ye. Just hold on, I'll... I'll go get help," he said, but she gave his hand a firm squeeze.

"No... This is it for me," she told him. "Take care... of the children... They need ye... And find someone... who makes ye happy..."

"No... No, Saoirse, I... I can't. No one can ever make me as happy as ye have," Cailean begged her, tears in his eyes.

"Ye have... no choice... Do... as I say..." she said weakly.

"Please... Saoirse, please, don't leave me..." he begged her, but she smiled warmly at him.

"I'll never leave ye... But I'm already gone," she told him. "I want ye... to find happiness... To love again... Promise me."

"I... I don't want te forget ye..." Cailean said to her softly.

"Ye dinna have to," she said. "I'll always be with ye, but I canna be here anymore. Riona... needs a mother... She's just a child... Promise me, Cailean..."

"I... I can't... I cannae promise tha'," said Cailean with tears in his eyes.

"Promise... me..." She took a raspy breath.

Cailean sat up drenched in sweat, breathing heavily. He looked around; he wasn't on Culloden Moor, he was in the Laird's bedchamber, and Saoirse had already been gone for nearly twelve years. He looked at the box that contained her ashes on the table beside him, and he picked her up and rested her on his lap. "I'm sorry, Saoirse... I cannae promise ye somethin' I cannae do."

↞~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~↠

Cailean was going over a list of the taxes the tenants of Barra owed him and was comparing it to the list of what was paid when there was a soft knock at the door. "Come in," he said. He half-expected Brèagha to walk in through the door, as Riona always knocked sharply or just barged right in, but when the door opened and Maidie appeared, he remembered that his niece was well on her way to America by now. "Maidie," he said, smiling softly at her. "How's Morgan settlin' in?"

"It's like she was meant to be here," said Maidie with a happy tone. "She loves everything about the castle, and she and Riona are already growing so close."