All I Ever Did [ZheJun]

2. Man Up

Gong Jun killed a man last night.

He shoved him against the iron gate and the spike pierced his throat. Blood splashed on Gong Jun's face, clothes, drenching him from head to toe.

Gong Jun never intended to kill the man, he only wanted to defend himself. He'd stood there in the middle of the night, lost in a long while of confusion, before he suddenly realized what he'd done. Then he went back home to wash the filth off his body only for his father to catch him at the door, throwing Gong Jun's obscene sketches in his face. They're all old sketches, a little too vulgar for an old man to admire, but his father had just found them and exploded with rage. He didn't ask about the blood on him whether it's his or someone else's, whether he's hurt or he'd hurt someone else, he only demeaned him as soon as he opened his mouth. He called him names, claimed him insane, expressed disappointment and retched with disgust when Gong Jun tried to explain.

"Ba, this isn't how intended to tell-"

His father had cut him off to say; "So this is where you go every night?! Whoring around with men?! Embarrassment! You're no son of mine!"

Later his mother had woken up and asked them to calm down, but when she saw the sketches on the floor, she turned as vicious as his father, maybe more. Gong Jun had attempted to explain again, but she had silenced him to say; "We'll call the doctor, Junjun must be sick. It can be cured."

"MA!" Gong Jun had screamed, "I'm not sick! Let us talk, you must try to understand!"

But she had ignored him, rolling a phone number as she addressed his father; "Will the doctors at the mental hospital have a room for him? His brother is a nurse, he'll find a way..."

Gong Jun had given up on trying by the time she mentioned the hospital, and run away through the same door he came in, with his same blood-soaked clothes, hoping the rain could wash some of it off.

Gong Jun wished he was as free as those courtesans at brothels like his father claimed him to be, he also wished he's as carefree as those sick people in the asylum. It's all easier than running around at night with no destination, with blood on his hands, with no food, no money, no identification at all.

But all that mess had led him here.

Gong Jun hadn't searched for Zhehan after he disappeared. He knew that Zhehan vanished with his own will, and there was no news of his death. So Gong Jun had agreed to move with his family, but he never knew that he'd move closer to where Zhehan stayed.

Hell, Gong Jun had cursed at fate when he saw Zhehan in the rain.

Fate always played him in the worst ways. Even when he tried to run away, he fell back in Zhehan's space. He hated this result; it wasn't the ideal one in his mind. But now, being around Zhehan is more tolerable than being stranded with no food or shelter or the slightest experience in such a time of war and barely any peace.

Tolerable. That was it.

He feels nothing but hatred and pain towards Zhehan, but he had to endure it last night. He tolerated the closeness of his presence and his face and his voice, he tolerated him even when he was stabbing him a thousand knives in his head.

He knew he wouldn't get a better chance.

Gong Jun knew Zhehan would agree to his wish. and He knew it wasn't out of love, Zhehan doesn't love him anymore. But it was out of challenge. He knew Zhehan wouldn't let him leave dissatisfied because that's his nature, he likes to show off and feed his ego by satisfying people whenever, whenever they ask.

and He hated him for that too.

It's barely an hour after Gong Jun fell asleep when he jolts awake to a loud alarm, he checks the clock and it's not even five. He takes the glass of water beside him and when he remembers Zhehan's lips on it last night, he puts it back down.