All I Ever Did [ZheJun]

4. Right and Wrong

"Junjun." Zhehan speaks softly and takes Gong Jun's hand, " What did they do? Who were they?"

Gong Jun winces and yanks away his hand away, Xu Kai clears his throat and looks sideways, slightly uncomfortable with the intimate scene.

"What hurts?" Zhehan inspects Gong Jun's face with a light touch, "Who did this?"

"Commander Zhang." Gong Jun whispers, visibly ashamed, "Please."

Zhehan glances at Xu Kai and sees him blushing. He grabs Gong Jun's arm and pulls him forward, leading him to the door.

"Zhehan..."

"Slowly, let's go."

Zhehan decides to take Gong Jun back to his own room and then go end the life of whoever dared to hurt his man.

"How did I not notice how pale you are or any of the bruises..." Zhehan talks to himself as he feeds Gong Jun some porridge, worry between his brows. "Blame me, I lost it when I saw you in his bed. I was blinded..."

Gong Jun stops Zhehan at the third spoon and wipes his mouth. Zhehan doesn't force him, he puts the bowl down and waits for him to speak.

"This is wrong." Gong Jun starts.

"It isn't."

"We- I am wrong."

"Don't say this, whoever hurt you will pay."

"Let them be."

"Junjun."

"I don't want to stay here. This place isn't for me, and I will only bring you bad reputation if I stay."

"What are you talking about?!"

"Your reputation. I don't want it to be tarnished because of me. I'm not normal, I'm sick in the head. You shouldn't get involved with me."

Zhehan hasn't cried in a long time, but now he feels a burning sensation in his eyes, he then sees a blur. He holds Gong Jun's face slowly and brushes his thumb over his skin, "Don't ever say such words..."

"I don't even understand it myself. I just know it's wrong." A tear falls from Gong Jun's eye onto Zhehan's hand. "Don't you think I'm wrong? Don't you feel wrong when you touch me like this? When you hear my deep voice instead of a woman's? Don't you feel sickened when you grab my muscular arms?! When you hold my big hands?!"

Zhehan holds his breath.

"Don't you feel disgusted when you touch my rough skin? Shouldn't you be touching a woman instead? How can you not feel wrong touching me? It's wrong, I know it's wrong..."

"If it's wrong, then why does it feel so right to me?" Zhehan whispers, smiling only to comfort him, "It's not wrong, it's just wrong to them."

"It's wrong."

"They don't understand it, Junjun." Zhehan cups Gong Jun's face with both hands, "They will never understand how we feel."

"I wish I was never born..."

Zhehan brings him into his arms, tear dams shattering within his eyes, "Don't say such things, don't make my heart ache."

Gong Jun clutches Zhehan's uniform and hides his face in his shoulder, seeking a haven in his embrace. It's wrong, it's so wrong, but it feels so right to be in another man's arms, in Zhehan's arms.

Zhehan gatheres all the soldiers outside in the snow and places Gong Jun's tampered gun from last night on the table. "You'll all stand here until someone comes forward." Zhehan says, "and if no one comes forward, you'll take turns in firing the gun into your own heads."