No Crazy Matches Our Crazy

Maximum Effort

{A/N: Photo above is Emma's super-suit}

Emma's POV:

Well, it's been a long and crazy year, but we finally found that ass-clown. Right now, Wade and I are in the backseat of a taxi on our way to his next location. I'm sitting patiently with the idea of getting our lives back to normal ASAP, but Wade's a bit more impatient. He picks up a pamphlet labeled 'Haunted Segway Tours' and stuffs it in his suit for later. Then, he fiddles with the window, sticks his hand out of it, and plays with a used piece of gum from the ceiling. It ends up getting flung in front of me and onto my window. I turn to him with a smirk and he just shrugs his shoulders before crawling into the front passenger seat. Fine by me, gives me room to stretch my legs across the rest of the seat.

Dopinder: "Ah, Dopinder."

Wade: "Pool. Dead."

Dopinder glances to me through the rearview window, so I smile with a polite wave.

Me: "Call me Phoenix."

Wade: "Mm. Nice."

I look ahead in curiosity to see a picture of a woman next to the air freshener up front.

Dopinder: "Smells good, no?"

Me: "I think he meant the girl."

Dopinder: "Ah, yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She would have made me a very agreeable wife. But, um, Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin, Bandhu. He is as dishonorable as he is attractive."

Wade: "Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason Phoenix & I are in this cab today."

Dopinder: "Yes, sir. You both called for it, remember?"

Me: "Wait for it."

Wade: "Love is a beautiful thing."

Me: "There it is."

Wade: "When you find it, the whole world tastes like Daffodil Daydream. So, you gotta hold onto love tight, and never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June during hot yoga."

Dopinder: "Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?"

Wade: "Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss. I could go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad!"

Dopinder: "Uh, why the fancy red suits Mr. Pool & Miss Phoenix?"

Me: "It's Christmas Day, Dopinder."

Wade: "And we're after someone on our naughty list. We've been waiting one year-"

Me: "Three weeks-"

Wade: "Six days and 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to us."

Me: "Actually, I don't mind my end of the stick. And you're kinda cute, now that I've gotten used to it."

Dopinder: "And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?"

Wade: "This shit."

Wade lifts his mask to reveal what his mutation did to his appearance.

Wade: "Boo!"