No Crazy Matches Our Crazy

Pain for Powers

Emma's POV:

Colossus cuffs Wade to his left arm while Negasonic grabs my hands, cuffs them together, and walks behind me to lead me off to the X-Jet.

Colossus: "Let us go talk to the Professor."

Wade: "McAvoy or Stewart?"

Me: "These timelines are so confusing."

Colossus: "You will recover. You always do."

Wade: *to me and the readers* "You ever see '127 Hours'? Spoiler alert."

Now that his arm's healed, he grabs a small knife, and begins cutting his left hand off. Colossus lifts him off the ground, right as a splatter of blood hits him in the face.

Me: "Oh, there's the money shot, baby."

Wade: "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret."

I kick Negasonic in the right leg as Wade kicks his feet off of Colossus. We join hands and leap off the edge of the bridge and into the back of a garbage truck.

Me: "Rock, meet Bottom. And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked, you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision."

Wade: "Yep, the one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh."

{One Year Ago}

Wade and I are now being wheeled off on separate beds to Agent Smith.

Smith: "Mr. Wilson, Miss Johnson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's. You finally hit 'fuck it'."

Wade: "Just promise you'll do right by us. So we can do right by someone else."

Smith: "Of course."

Wade: "And please don't make the super-suit green."

Me: "Or pink. This isn't 'My Little Super-Pony'."

Then, we're wheeled off to sit in beds that are side-by-side.

Wade: "This place seems sanitary."

Me: "My first request is warmer hands."

Wade: "And, Jesus! A warmer table."

A group of men wrap restraints around our appendages, holding them down to prevent escape or retaliation.

Me: "Easy, boys. I charge extra for bondage kinks. We should come up with a safe word. Any ideas?"

Wade: "I'm thinking 'pork and beans'."

Me: "Sold."

The men walk off, as a woman walks up to wrap a restraint over each of our necks. She seems to have super strength or something.

Wade: "I'm calling wang."

Me: "Damn! You beat me to it. What's up with the matches?"

Wade: "Oral fixation?"

Me: "Or just a big Stallone fan?"

The woman goes to cover our mouths, when a man walks up to us.

Francis: "Patience, Angel. All in good time."

Wade: "Are you here for the turndown service, or what?"