INTUITIVE, austin butler

13

As excited as I was to tell Lana about what happened, I walked through the front door to her passed out on the couch and decided my story would have to wait till the next morning.

I washed off the sweat from my body, and sat in the water, letting it fall down my body as I sulked in what felt like a bad mistake. The minute I stepped through my door last night, I was guilt stricken. I felt like I had crossed some horrible line, and like my parents were about to ground me, or something.

I tried to go to sleep so I wouldn't have to think about it, but that plan didn't follow through very well. All I could think about was how big of mistake this was.

He brings down my confidence every time I see him.. He's hot and cold everyday, and he's rude to people who haven't even met him. Austin is part of that small percentage of people who have no happiness in themselves, or their lives. The most disturbing part of it all, is that what I said to him while under the influence, is completely accurate to how I feel. He sends me home in tears from work almost every other day, and then the next day he does some heroic thing that makes it impossible to not forgive him. I wish he could just pick a personality. If he hates me, I can live with that. I'd rather he be rude all the time than half the time.

After staring at my ceiling, and tossing and turning throughout my sleep, I woke up with a huge knot in my stomach. I immediately grabbed a pillow, stuffing my face in it, and screaming.

I cannot believe he saw me naked.

"Hey, hun," Lana knocks on my door, "Why are you screaming at seven in the morning?" Her face is puffy like she's just woken up.

I throw the pillow that was covering my face onto the ground, "Lana you will never believe how awful I am."

"Hit me." She's immediately all ears.

I sit up from my bed slowly, and the Austin curse hits me again as the memories replay through my mind.

The feeling.

The electricity.

I'll shamefully admit that we have chemistry. And now that we've indulged in it, who knows what will happen from here. Knowing him, he's probably going to use it against me as leverage for whatever scheme he creates.

"I did what you said." I mutter to Lana as I rub my eyes with my palms.

"What did I say?" Lana furrows her eyebrows as she leans against my doorframe.

I look at her, and she looks at me, and without a word, she knows what happened.

"No. Fucking. Way." Her jaw drops open.

My head falls into my hands, "Yeah." I quietly answer.

"Was it good?" She asks like we're 14 year olds talking about our first kiss.

"It was..." Again, I feel this horrible curse flash through my body. "I need to shower." I quickly get up from my bed, making a b-line to my bathroom.

"Wait," Lana quickly follows after me, "Did he do something to you? I'll kill him, Riles."

"No, Lana, he didn't do anything." In reality he did everything, just not what she's talking about.

"Then why do you seem upset?" She asks me as I turn on the shower, making sure the water is very hot.

"Because I didn't hate it Lana. It felt good." I explain to her as I quickly brush out my hair. "Honestly, saying it felt 'good' is an understatement. It's just that the minute I got home yesterday, I realized how much of a bad decision it was."