After Death

(Season 4) Chapter 1 (Unjustified Mistake)

Chapter 1: Unjustified Mistake

Airianna Alinsky

Estimated, January 2025

About 32 months after outbreak

California, The Circus

Season 4

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I'm not sure why I'm still here. I'm not sure why any of us are still here. The dead and the dammed will always rule the world, why were we still even trying?

I'm older now but I still feel like the same child I was before the world became what it is. My experience is far different from the others, I was so young and confused.

I always tried not to make a scene, I tried to stay in the shadows but that never worked. I'm seen as "the future" so I'm what everyone's burdened to look out for.

A few days after my 12th birthday I was responsible for the biggest mistake of my life. I destroyed the hopes of people I cared about, including my father. I didn't think it would turn out the way it did, I didn't know he would do what he did, and I didn't know it would be because of what I said.

I was angry at him because I believed that he really didn't have a reason for killing Marcus. I came into this group looking for people to trust and I was upset that I couldn't trust him. If he would have just said why from the start it would have been different. I knew I was in no place to be mad, I've killed people for no reason, I've done things that I'm not proud of but they were things that needed to be done. So as I walked down the stairs to the holding cell all I thought about was that resent, and it had a cost. I held the gun in my hand, it felt practically weightless compared to my head on my shoulders. I would take it all back if I could, every word that spilled from my mouth would never be said if I could go back, but that wasn't possible so I had to live with it.

He watched me as I walked towards his cell. When he saw the gun his expression didn't change from being nonchalant but he seemed shocked to see that I was the one holding it.

"Why are you here?" He asked as he stood from his chair in the middle of the room. I didn't respond, I didn't know how to. After all, I was prepared to do something stupid. We just kinda stared at each other in silence for a while, I thought that maybe he would tell me to leave or he would read a book or something but he didn't. Maybe he was just happy to see me, not many people visited him and I hadn't seen him since last May. I knew I wouldn't be able to just leave, this had to mean something, it should have been a happy reunion.

"You did do it, didn't you?" I asked and he didn't even ask what I was questioning him for. He knew exactly what I meant and stared me dead in the eyes as he responded with, "yes."

"Why?"

"It had to be done."

"No, I'm done with your shitty excuses! You killed my dad's friend, haven't you done enough all ready? Why'd you make it worse?" He looked at me with an almost scared expression. I couldn't tell if it was because I swore or because what I said hit close to home, I can assume it was for the second though.

"Just kill me." I hated hearing those words come from him. I was to young to even know that I wanted to.

"You don't even deserve that." That. That was the thing I would take back because what happened next would be the only thing I would be able to see for years.

He grabbed the gun out of my hand before I could even react. I knew there was only one bullet in it and he wasn't about to use it on me. I didn't know how to stop him, I didn't know if I wanted to. He held the barrel

to his temple and smiled as a tear fell from his eye.

"I did it all for you. I killed him so Rudi, you, and your sister could be safe. I'm sorry you can't see it that way." And before I could say anything back, he pulled the trigger and the ringing in my ears started, it still hasn't stopped.

His body fell to the ground and I stared in horror as the blood spilled from his head. His eyes were opened and his body twitched.

Dallen was the first to come running in and when he saw what I couldn't take my eyes off of he almost passed out. We both had no idea what to do, I wanted someone else to come in here, maybe they would have a better idea.

I wasn't the one to fire the gun but I had still killed another man and this time it meant something. It was unjustified, it had no excuse. I ran out of there once I finally caught my breath. Dallen didn't chase after me, he still couldn't move. I didn't know where I would go I just knew I couldn't be near anyone when they found out. I needed to get away from people, I needed time to process it and I still am.

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The funeral was short and Dallen couldn't look me in the eyes, he was the only one who knew I was there when it happened. Everyone was flooded with tears but I just wanted to leave. Dad didn't even attend, he stayed in his room with Juna for the next few days. I wanted to stay with him but I couldn't face him then, this was my fault, I got into business that wasn't mine and it had a cost I couldn't repay.

So Aiden, I'm sorry too. You had good intentions, I just was to blinded by influences to see it.