My trigger: felt like I did and said something wrong, regretted saying the things I said, didn't think it through first, obviously triggered him, his coldness triggered anxiety in me, I felt disappointed and felt as though what he said happened was not the truth, wasn't sure if it was my fault, he really was fixing his jeep, decided he wasn't interested and thought I was crazy, he planned to string me along and ghost me the evening we were supposed to meet, and communication was stopped. he wasn't online or on Snapchat much so I assumed he chose to spend the night with someone else, he possibly is busy working on his jeep, or I triggered him and he doesn't want to talk or engage much online and needs to process.
i don't hope for a reschedule, explanation, a snap or message tomorrow, or anything. and I'm not scared of what he thinks or any of the negative triggers.
The truth is that he said his jeep was being worked on and wouldn't be finished until the morning. I felt disappointed and messaged him and snapped him and he did not open anything nor contact me back. I just let it go. I know I'm beautiful and I expressed myself openly in ways that he may not have received openly. Him liking me or getting together with me or being friends and continuing this has no bearing on me and my life or my future...every day I shine and everyday I grow and glow. My choice is that I won't worry and in the future I will be more mindful of what I say especially knowing how triggering, creative, raw, honest, and nakedly expressive I can be...and take other peoples possible sensitivities into consideration.
I'll be a kinder mirror and I'll shine a more stable light into the dark.
