two winters dead

"they could never forget me"

About two and a half years ago my dad died. For about 3 months it affected me deeply, i never came out of my room, barely ate, barely slept and I fell into a pit of what felt like the worst kind of depression out there. What sucked the most about his death is that i had no one to talk to, I had my brother but because my dad was only classified as missing and not dead John b thinks he's still out there at sea waiting for us and shit. I don't believe he's coming back, i've accepted it. John b has big dreams for when my dad gets back, He thinks that somehow we're going to get rich get a step mom and all live as a big happy family, I know this won't happen but i play along so i don't break him. My twin brother has been there for me when nobody else has especially my parents,Hes like my dad in a way but at the same time he's nothing like my dad John b is my brother and i know it but a big part of me wants a dad to be there for me so to me John b fills that spot. Many things remind me that i don't have a dad like how every friday night around 6:00 cps comes knocking on the door asking how our uncle is doing and everytime we lie. Our uncle left about two months ago for a "business trip" I know that's not why he left but i try not to let myself remeber another person walked out of my life. Tonight at dinner nobody knocked nobody even came by it was strange yet peaceful to have that kind of freedom. Shortly after dinner i hear a soft faded sort of snore. I knew it was John b because he's the only person I live with , he doesn't get much sleep anymore worrying about dads case so it's good to finally see him get rest. The tv still blaring while he slept was too loud for me so i silently turned it off following in immediate silence. I walked down the hallway into my room lit by only the moon and a few candles it's getting closer to winter so the sun has been setting much faster, i don't mind it though i've always felt a sense of comfort in the moon and the stars. I feel that way about a lot of things like my old friend group we called ourselves the pouges,One person made me feel safest of all his name is jj maybank. I also feel comfort in the ocean and reading and stuff. Almost every morning i go to the beach but life's been different since schools about to start. School is honestly not the same anymore i don't fit in like i used to and i'm always sitting alone at lunch with everybody walking past me even teachers walk right by me. We've been thinking about moving back but i doubt it will ever actually happen considering that we don't have the money or a parent, besides the pouges probably forgot all about me actually screw that the pouges are like a family it would be crazy for any of them to forget me, i'll be back some day me and john b and maybe even a dad and a step mom.

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AUTHORS NOTES:
what do you guys think so far ?
i'm fighting the urge not to spoil this rn😍
anyways i'm gonna try not to make faye my entire personality bye.