𝐌𝐲 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐞

【10】

I didn't know what to do. I said shit ton of things that I should have not said. I was heated at the moment.

Was I wrong to be mad though? Was I wrong on this?

Maybe I took it too far.

The car ride was silent. Neither of us talked. I was still trying to process everything. What I told her. Everything she has told me. I noticed how she was focused on the sky. Looking at the stars most likely. I noticed how she was holding back her tears. She wasn't one to cry, unless she was exploding from several penting up. I guess what I said really broke her.

Once we got to the apartment I decided to take a shower. A really long one. I was trying to think of a way to clear things up.

After around thirty minutes I got out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

"Y/n let's tal- Y/n?" She wasn't in the bedroom. I went out to the living room area. She was nowhere to be found in the premises. I head back to the room to finish getting dressed. When I head over to the bed, I see a note.

No no no. Please this can't be happening.

"Dear Semi" I read. Bullshit. I continued to read the note.

'I know you're upset about everything right now. I understand. I just wish you didn't say such hurtful things. I guess you were right. There was never an us to begin with.' Fuck fuck fuck

'We weren't in a relationship, but we did everything a couple does.' She was right. We did a lot of things couples do. Why didn't we ever put any 'labels' to what we were? We could easily be dating, calling her my girlfriend, and she would call me her boyfriend...

'I don't care what the media has to say about us and all the questions they had, but I wish you would've given me time to explain. There was a time and place, but I didn't tell you. I wasn't ready to tell you that your newest band member was my ex. The one I told you about. The one who hurt me in every way possible.' Oh shit. I fucked up really bad.

'You promised not to be like him, yet you broke that promise. When you said there was no us to begin with, it hit me. I cared too much. We never set our boundaries. Reckless perhaps. I truly liked you.' I like you too- but now there's this barrier between us.

'We spent a lot of time together. I was proven wrong that what we "had" was nothing for you. That is clear to me now.' No no. It wasn't like that baby, I promise you it wasn't like that.

'I'm writing this while you're in the shower. I'm heading out, so you don't have to worry about finding a place to stay. I'll be out of your sight for a bit. Don't worry about texting or calling me. I'll be fine.'

"Take care, Y/n" her name slipped out of my tongue in a whisper. Like I forgot how her name sounded. Like it was the first time I've heard or said it before.

That's when it hit me.

I was no better than her ex. I got her high and let her fall. Falling without warning. But that fall should've never happened. I did exactly what I promised not to. I should've known better. Snapping at her was my fault. She would've told me eventually, she always tells me everything.

We were like a couple...

In fact I did like her. She wasn't "nothing" to me. There is an us. But why did I say the opposite?

Maybe it was my fight or flight response. I was mad, yes. But saying that there was no us was the last thing I could've ever said if I was thinking straight. I'm mad at myself for letting something she couldn't really control get to me. Because all the shit I said was hurtful. And I know if she said it to me I would've been shattered into pieces.

Even if no one would've been able to see it. I would've been hurt. Because everything we've been through didn't deserve this ending that we got. Surely I didn't want to admit this was the end to whatever we had.

At some point we'd have to get over this and continue with our lives since the music industry was still an important thing we shared in common. Whether we liked it or not. We had to face each other eventually.

That is her forgiving me or not. I'm hoping she will give me a chance. A chance to apologize

I wanted to give myself and Y/n some space. Although I wish I could go to where she is right now and apologize. She needed space. We both did. Now, about Suna. He could fuck off.

I'm not sure what's going to happen later on with the band, but that's the least of my concerns right now. I just want to make sure she's okay.

Ring ring

"Hello?" I say. I didn't look for who called. My head was just thinking about Y/n and how I could fix things.

So hey... wassup. what do we think??? Man oh man I cant wait for what coming up. 

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