mom and dad,
I still carry the void in my heart that you gave me as a child, have never known what it feels to be loved by you. Will i ever get to feel that fancy feeling? Why did you put the costly price on your love that i can't even afford?
A young docile child i was who realized too early, everything has a price we must pay to have it, just like a candy from a store. so, i searched for things to give you but found nothing as costly, the only thing i had was my life to offer.
Yet you still look down upon me for not being smart enough, you compare me to every other child, you always let me down for being a burden even when you gave me this life. You are never satisfied, you only reminded me what my responsibilities are but never fulfilled yours as a parent? why do you only love me when i quench your thirst with good grades? am i nothing more than those mere marks to you?
If only you could see my efforts how i burden my soul just to earn some words of love from you, the tears i 've shed for not being enough, I torture myself to be the perfect child, perfect in your eyes, I'm destroying myself just to pursue the expectations you've set for me, how worn out my insides are, if only, you could see the real me, the child within me who still craves for your love.
I've grown up now, still unknown by the feeling of love and care from my owns. i do not seek for your love or attention anymore. Through all these years you never cared enough to ask me if I'm really fine or not, you never acknowledged the wounds you gave to my already damaged soul. Atleast you could've paid attention to my words, you could've respected me for being who i wanted to be, you could've trusted me and let me follow the ruthless path i chose for myself but instead of you made me lose my faith in your love, care, trust, understanding and everything that i seek in you as a parental figure,
Apart from all the things you never gave to me, i still have my life as the only thing to offer you. I would still crash my dreams just to fulfill yours, if i have to, because you're my parent and I'm your child. I still can't see your head low from the regret. I'm still willing to try harder just to have that prideful look in your eyes.
if your love costs my life, will it ever fill the void you gave me?
respectfully,
your (useless) child.
