The silence

July 31st 2020

It was many  weeks since that night spent at Dans, after the nightmare. I had spent most days at his house, if I wasn't at my aunts house helping my mum with stuff. She had been back up to the house several time to check on the construction, and most of the houses down are street were slowly being rebuilt. If I'm being honest, the thought of going home gave me heart palpitations and a visceral reaction I never wanted to feel again.

Every day since I had moved here, I had been happier than I'd known was possible. And I couldn't just leave that behind. I couldn't just leave Dan behind as if he were merely a holiday fling on a 2-week trip to Ibiza. He was more than that. He deserved more than that. And if it were to be considered selfish. I considered better than that.

My aunt had since brought another house in New Zealand, don't ask my why. Rich people. Which meant she was staying out there for the foreseeable future. I can see the appeal to sunny New Zealand than the damp New Forest. This had given me a slight glimmer of hope my mum would consider staying down here for good. Perhaps sell the house back home. She could then use it to restart a business down here. My mum would more than fit in down here with the middle-aged women who loved nothing but skinny coffee and 'loose women'. I decided I would slip it into a conversation at some point.

I had also thought about possible getting a job. More for the getting out of the house, and Dans house, and perhaps making some friends if I were to live here permanently. Dan has promised he would introduce me to his friends at some point, what I would have in common with a bunch of men in their early 20s I don't know. It had also been my birthday within those few weeks, the big 19!. Not that its big but any birthday is a big one when you didn't think you make it to that point. Dan had surprised me with new camera lenses and a oh romantic night at the Hotel of Dan. I loved that he encouraged me to do the things I enjoyed in life. He had confessed to me late one night how we had always had this dream to start a band, and how he had been in one when he still lived in London. And that dream was still alive inside of him. He had a great voice. Amazing even. And he'd serenaded me on an occasion or 2 from his keyboard he keeps in his living room, and he deserved to live out his dream.

The days had flown past, and I really did feel as if I had been here my whole life. Days full of sex, 80s horror movies, and Dans cooking. I really couldn't ask for any more. However, the figure had returned on more than one occasion. On a brisk walk through the woods with Dan, I had seen it again. It never comes towards me, or tries to attack me, unless it shows up in my nightmare. And then I feel as if I'm drowning, and my head is being pushed further and further underwater and I can't breathe. And that's when I usually flail around in the bed and wake Dan up from his deep slumber, sometimes hitting him in the face. And an accidental nose bleed on one occasion. But he just wanted to make sure I was okay. And take that drowning feeling away. He had started to sense it, before I would even wake up. As if he could hear me calling in the dead of night for him.

****

11:27

"Do you wanna go into town today?" Dan spoke, with a mouth full of toast, leaning against the counter as I sat on the sofa engrossed in a new book I had stolen from Dans collection. Peering over the top of the book I took in how beautiful he looked, just effortlessly, in an oversized top and boxers.

"Yeah, I could do with some new jeans, and maybe some new underwear as well" I suggested. I still had yet to replace the several pairs of expensive knickers Dan had ripped in half. "I also need to see if any one is hiring anywhere, I could do with getting myself a job at some point. You know, so I'm not here annoying you everyday" I joked, even though I knew he loved it.

"I definitely know one place that is, my friend Wood works there we'll swing by" he said, stuffing the last of his toast into his mouth and heading upstairs to change. I decided I may at least make myself look presentable if I was going to be looking for a job and joined Dan upstairs to change. I riffled through the pile of clothes I had accumulated in his bedroom and decided in a pair of flowy black culottes and a long sleeve black t-shirt.