darkness within us. [FINISHED?] Trans copia X Male Reader

healing

Tw: self harm talks

Copia had spent the whole week locked in his room
He hadn't eaten
He hadn't slept
He hadn't spoke
He stayed there
Locked in
Keeping the world away
He hadn't even left to go to the Library or to wash his laundry

He was completely alone

And being isolated for so long
Damages
Your brain

Y/N POV:

"He hasn't come out of his room in a week! We can't get a hold of him! He hasn't even eaten! For all we know je could be a rotting corpse hangong from the fucking ceiling!" I yelled in the dining hall

"Dude we all know, but we are trying our best to stay sane! The tour is in two weeks!" Mountain sighed annoyed

"We can't go on tour if c- papa is fucking dead!" My yells were out to no good use as nobody responded. I left the dining hall in a blind rage and stomped around the halls of the church.

I was walking down the hall where copias room is and suddenly felt a wave of fear rush over me
'What if hes dead'
'I could've prevented this'
'This is all my fault'
'If i had never even brought it up he would be okay'
My pace quickened and i rushed over to his door.

*rattle rattle*

It was locked.

"Copia let me in here!" I kept vigorusly shaking the doorknob
Radio silence.
"I swear to Lucifer! I will kick this door down!"
Nothing.

"Copia pleAse!" My voice cracked
I felt my stomach cramp and a knot in my throat
It felt like i was having a heart attack

I was banging on the door whilst tears ran down my eyes and fell onto the floor

Copias POV:

He kept banging when suddenly it just..stopped

He couldn't have possibly just walked away

The way his voice cracked as he begged me to atleast say something shattered my soul.

I waited 10 minutes and still nothing, i had thought maybe he was trying to get a head start to ram into my door but nothing

Finally i gave into the urges and opened my door, expecting nobody, instead i saw the worst thing imaginable.

He was laying on the floor, in a pool of tears, it had looked like his body had just gave up and he had fainted.

"..shit"

I grabbed him weakly and pulled him on my couch, closing my door behind me.

Everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong

I had just sat infront of the door and cried

My eyes were red and puffy as i had been crying all week. I let everything out
Pulling at my hair, biting my cheeks, hitting myself

Completely breaking down

Why do i have to feel this way

I sat there for hours, awake, suffering in silence

He woke up and looked around the oitch black room confused

"What happened?" He quietly said

My head perked up and i finally spoke
"You're okay"

I heard him get up and run twords me

"FUCK!- COPIA WHAT THE FUCK" he yelled as he helt onto me with a grip as if i was going to run away agin

"I'm sorry"

I hugged back, trying to compse myself

"Are you okay?!"

"No"

He stood up and pulled me to my legs and into the bathroom
As he turned on the light i  and covered my body, disgusted at myself

He looked st me in shock

My arms scarred
Dry tears on my face
Burns on my body
I looked gross

He pulled my arms and looked at everything

I felt shame
But it was going to be fine.

"I'm going to help you, copia"

I looked up in shock

He stepped behind me and turned on the shower

"You really dont ha-" "i want to"

I stayed quiet and nodded

He left the bathroom and turned on my bedrooms light
It was a mess but he didint care
"Grab some clothes I'll be right back" he said and walked unto my bathroom with a bag

5 minutes later he had walked out and the bag was full

I went into my bathroom and showered, for once i felt actually, geniuenly, okay
I was happy

I walked out the bathroom in my clean clothes to see my room spotless

"Y/N you don't have to do this for me I'll be fine"

"I'm staying with you until the tour" he says
I sigh and give in "okay"

He asks if i will be okay alone for 30 minutes and i say yes, i lay on my bed and take a nap while he leaves

*12 hours later*

My eyes flutter open as its dark in my room.
'Was it all a dream'
I feel as if I'm going to cry but instead i feel an arm pull me closer and soft snoring.
My breath hitches but i realize

It was real

I look down at what I'm wearing and its shorts and a shirt i didint go to bed in
I realize im not wearing my binder and get flustered

I look at my digital clock

*7:42 am*

I slept for so long

I felt so exhausted from not sleeping for 6 days that i rest my body back into my soft mattress and turn to face him
I put my head on his chest and right before i fall asleep i feel him kiss my head.

*12:21 pm*

I open my eyes feeling abnormaally happy
I'm still holding onto Y/N but hes now sitting upwards
Quickly i pull my arms back and blush furiously "i did not mean to do that I'm so sorry!"

He chuckled "its fine"
I looked at his face, he wasnt wearing his mask!

"You're gorgeous!" I blurted out. He laughed "so are you"

I blushed and backed away

"Lets go get lunch, we missed breakfast" i nodded hesistantly and grabbed my actual clothes that are appropriate to leave my room in.

While changing i saw he bandaged my arms and felt my heart flutter.

We entered the dining hall with our food and everyone looked at us in astonishment. I just kept my composure and went to sit with nihils ghost, and sister imperator. Y/N followeing behind me and sitting right next to me

"Glad to see youve finally left your room C, we have missed you" sister sweetly smiled, breaking the dead silence in the dining hall. I nodded with content and slowly ate with Y/N.

After we finished i stood at the stage in the dining hall "hello ghouls and ghoulettes, we're having practice today at 2pm so be sure to not be late, especially you sodo." I chuckled then left with Y/N

*1:40 pm*

Me and Y/N entered the practice room and waited for everyone to arrive