Shouldn't Want Her But i Do

Boys just don't cut it

Alison-

Mother used to say i had a twinkle in both eyes, like i was calculating my demise.

I mean is she wrong? I'll stab a dagger in your chest, see how quickly you'll forget. I'm a bit of a genius when it comes to the manipulation.

I'll analyze the details, I can't help it. It's a trait I've gained from my work, honestly, it is more of a bad habit then anything else. After all, there was no fun in analyzing people around me make. I've learnt that the hard way, in the end understanding the psychology in peoples action doesn't change the fact it makes them a fucked up person.

But in this world it only makes me sensitive. To conquer this weak side quickly, I only break hearts all around me but when you're done, you gotta be the first to run.

I never got attatched, well that's a lie. That's the reason I thought of Leo all day, he was pure. I almost felt empathy for his heart as I ripped it out.

For now he lays underground, until he reports as missing I'll need to find some entertainment.

I lay in the dark thinking of why I'll never feel love, mother sais it runs in our blood. Poker face, lack of emotion the whole package.

I tried to fall inlove once. I made the mistake of not knowing what something was before pushing it upon others, poor Adam, I was so clingy and smothering. I picked up upon others behavior and reciprocated it on him, or should I say forced it onto him.

We were so young, teen love was the highschool dream right? I had never even had a real crush yet, mother always said to research before acting out on something.

Even when I did research it after scaring Adam away, I was confused 'how do you know when you're inlove?'
'when do you feel those butterflies?'

I didn't listen to mother, big mistake. She stroked my hair as my head lay against her chest. Whispering sweet nothings into my ears, probably saying 'I told you so' but I was too busy sulking over something I made up all in my mind.

But cmon, I was a teenager

I had a messy room, spent most of my time online. Kept secrets and was crazy for atleast one person.

Just me? Okay.

Love just wouldn't do it for me, even after Istudied it, seemed sloppy and time comsuming. I'm not ready for the commitment.

But men can be so boring.

The same old and want the same things, if not they're complaints are about how they always finish last when they're nice. Lets be real, you are definetly finishing first if you know what I mean.

I need a girl, cause the boys don't cut it.