Side Mission

Part 2

After lunch, with the vague desire to do something useful, Crowley went to the playground. He didn't really expect to see any children there; listening to the kids chatter as they moved in had given him the impression that the Them considered the woods their territory, and the Johnson kid preferred to stay inside playing video games or occasionally staging attacks on the Them's hideout with his own gang. And, unlike Aziraphale, he was aware enough that a gay man hanging around a playground was likely to cause suspicion in rural areas. But what else could he do? Hanging around pretending to himself he was married to Aziraphale?

He really, really wanted to do that. But there was an Apocalypse to avert, and an Antichrist to avert.

There were no nine-year-olds at the playground, but a lady with a much smaller child and a laptop, one on each knee, called out to him.

"Hi, you must be Anthony Fell. I'm Starbreeze." Crowley quirked an eyebrow at her. She looked like a teacher, not someone called Starbreeze, but there was no accounting for parents. "I hope Pippin wasn't too much trouble for you." He must have looked confused, because she prompted gently, "Pepper?"

Ah. Pippin Galadriel Moonchild. "Nah. She and her friends were great."

"You're very kind to say so."

"Nothing wrong with spreading chaos." He settled on the bench beside her, wondering how to bring up the subject of possible Antichrist children without seeming like a stalker. "You call her Pippin?"

"It's such a pretty name. I hope she'll drop the Pepper thing soon."

"I'm partial to apples myself." He gave her a lazy grin, and she smiled back, seeming to hesitate about what to say next. Well, that was alright. Leave humans an empty space in the conversation, and they would fill it up. It was an imp-level trick.

Sure enough, Starbreeze burst out: "I'm having a get-together tomorrow. Just some local parents and their kids. You see, there's a silly sort of rivalry going on between their gangs—well, not gangs, just groups of friends—in the village, and we hoped maybe getting everyone together over nibbles and board games and letting the children play together would help. I'm sure if they all met on a friendly basis they would realise they have a lot in common."

Bless her. As if that ever worked. Crowley figured Aziraphale would like this mortal, with her determined belief that everyone wanted to get alone really if they just had the chance. Perhaps he could turn the conversation to the other gang. "It sounds great," he prompted.

"I wondered if you and—"

"Aziraphale. My husband," Crowley said and oh, no, it was ridiculous. He was very definitely not married to Aziraphale. But saying Aziraphale, my husband seemed to fill him to the seams with pride, until he could feel it bursting out. That was okay, that was fine. Pride was a sin, after all. It was a creditable response for a demon, no matter what those politically unsophisticated demons back home would think of pride over an angel.

"You two haven't been married very long, have you?" Starbreeze said knowingly, and Crowley was sure his cheeks were on fire. "Well, if you and Aziraphale would like to attend. I know you're not parents, but it's hard getting to know people in these villages, they can be so insular, and Pippin likes you. It would be a chance to meet your neighbours. If you want"

Crowley had never, in his life, wanted to attend a parent and child get-together to nibble and play board games, but this was perfect. The Antichrist would be in attendance, and that was too good to pass up. That was absolutely why he desperately wanted to go, and not because he would be attending with his husband Aziraphale and having to act all married with him. Perhaps they would hold hands.