Remember the laughter

An end, a beginning

I look at the door, I'm getting ready for someone to open it, it's happening, I'm gonna be able to talk to all of them. Wow

The door opened
Shit, I think I'm having an anxiety attack, why now?! Well I kinda have an idea of why , there is freaking my chemical romance in the room I'm in. I try to calm down and actually breathe.

" hello , first of all: what pronoms do you use? I don't want to mis gender you" I managed to let out , they smiled at me

" hey lil girl how are you?" Frank said, I cringed inside and outside at the word girl.

"My gender euphoria is now as dead as my grandpa. Shit I said that out loud-" Gee half laugh he looked at me

" hey I use he/ they pronoms, what about you? What's your name?"
" I'm Ash, I- I use he/ him pronoms, I'm trans
-ouch!" I looked at over, Mickey elbow was in Frank ribs.
" Hi Ash, that's a beautiful name! how are you ?" Said Ray with a smile on his face.
" Approximatively good and you? By the way I have gifts for you , we made them by hand with my mom, I hope you'll like them. Ray I also have a letter from her to give you, she told me that she needed you to read it now."

I walked over the bags and gave them to them.
"I'm really sorry for calling you a girl" Frank said as I hand him the bag.
"It's okay , I'm kinda used to it. There's also plushies for your partners and kids
- aww those are incredible thank you so much I love the shirt! Wait... THATS IT I REMEMBER YOU " said Gerard with the biggest smile on their face. I looked at him confused

"How can you possibly remember me, it was two years ago!"
"Thank you for keeping your promise, I'm proud of you Ash" he said hugging me, I flinched a little at the hug
"What promise? By the way, the kids are gonna love the plushies thank you so much" Mikey said, I looked at him
" one , the promise thing is a secret and two, it turns out that unicorn plushies are pretty hard to make I'm glad you like them. Ray here you go, my mom told me that you need to read it now, please do it , she's one of your first fan. Well at least that's what she told me" Ray nodded and opened the letter.

Twist by korn started play out of my pocket, the guys started to laugh a little.
" I'm really sorry I thought it was on silent, 
can I answer that's my grand mother, seeing how she dislikes me I doubt she would be call if it wasn't important
-sure don't worry" Gerard said

" hello grandmother
- No grandma, Abuela !
-si abuela what is going on
-tu madré es muerta..." i started breathing more quickly , the panic attack was catching up
" could you... say that in English... so I'm sure that I didn't misunderstand.
- your mom is dead, she died in her sleep, she didn't suffer. To be honest I'm pretty sure your uncle will not want to take care of you, you're a burden. Mia , I'm gonna help you to pack your stuff for the foster care after the funeral, you're not staying with me" I felt myself going pale, empty, I grabbed the nearest wall , my legs were going weak.

"Abuela , you.. you just told me that my mother died, don't you think it's... well a little insensitive to tell me now that my uncle, that I don't even know, is probably not going to accept taking care of me. My mother is dead, don't you think you could talk about something else than how you are going to place me in foster care?" I felt them looking at me, I fucked up,  * beep beep beep * she hung up, I felt empty, I turn to the guys and Gee, I saw Ray crying.

"I'm sorry" that's all I could say, I was saying it again and again trying to process the situation.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, I flinched. Turned the head, I saw Gerard, he had a few tears running down his face.
"I'm really sorry for your loss, what was her name?
-Alicia, Alicia Toro, she always told me that it wasn't the same Toro family..." I turned to the door, I felt a hand rubbing my back in circles, I didn't liked that but I did not have the strength to tell whoever was doing that to stop, if they thought it would be helping I didn't wanted to ruin their hopes
"What did the letter said?" I managed to let out
" you're my nephew, your mom is, well , was my sister, we weren't very close but I love her so much, she never letted me see you easily." He said trying to not sob too violently.

It was too much to process, I was now hyped ventilating, open the door searching for Sara, she was crying, she knows, I fell trying to get out, curled myself up into a ball.

I started singing to myself trying to calm down
" you are my sunshine... my only.. sunshine... you ma- make me.. happy when sky are- are gray-
-you'll never know dear how much I love you
-plea-please don't take..
-my sunshine away... " I felt myself passing out. That voice, it was Sara, this song. My mom . She used to sing it to me, to help me whenever I needed it, I can't believe she will never be able to do it anymore. I can't lose her, no . No... I just can't...

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Hey, I don't really know what to think about this chapter but I hope you liked it if you did don't forget to vote hehe the story is finally really beginning?