Vessel

When will I cease to exist?

Sanity is an unrealistic concept at this point. I hate to admit it, but only a small part of my consciousness is still sane.

I hope I'm being corrupted by a foreign life form and may finally cease to exist once it has achieved its goal. The more my soul gets corrupted, the longer it takes as the shorter the period of time where I'm me is left.

...

Slipping between reality and dreams, I have lost all reason. Can I even dream? Is this all a dream, or are these dreams not dreams but reality?

I don't know. I don't want to know. I feel tired. Not physically, but mentally. Like I can't stay awake, but I can't sleep.

I wish the pain would return, but I've forgotten the concept of pain itself.

Why are my dreams so vivid but abstract? It's almost as if I could touch it if I had a body. At times, it pulses, at times it grows. It's spreading, but also dying. I can feel its sorrow. We're trapped together. How I wish to be able to communicate with it. Would it be able to reply?

I've at least been able to realize that I am able to view everything at the same time due to it. I have no blind spots. This seems to confirm my suspicions of not being human. I am either just a soul or maybe a floating sphere. I hope I'm something cool like the Beholder.

...

As time passes, I've come to realize that time might not be consistent. At times everything just freezes, but at others I can't even process what is going on. It's almost like traveling at the speed of light in a spaceship.

The worst part is that I can't ignore it. It is impossible to look away. At least I don't have eyes, because if I did, I'm sure they would've started burning. Now that I think about it, eyes would be quite nice. Everything would disappear. They would be able to burn forever and compared to this it would end instantly.

If I had eyes, I would have a body. If I had a body, I could kill myself. If I could kill myself, I would be free.

I might even be reincarnated like those isekai characters and start a cool new life with awesome powers. I hope I don't end up like Subaru, but it wouldn't be that bad, as I'm unaffected by pain.

...

As my thoughts slow, I know I will soon DREAM once again. I wonder how many cycles are left till I disappear? Going round and round till everything changes.

Please stop hurting me. I promise I won't try to get revenge by hunting you till the ends of the earth across time and space. I haven't even had any thoughts of how I would try to keep you alive just to torture you longer or how I would make you eat yourself.

See how genuine I am?

Can you pretty please let me go?

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run he's back, save yourself