Musings From True and False Lives

Did Not Receive: Return to Sender

To my grandfather,

I will always miss you.

I miss you right now,

And I'll miss you in the future, for evermore.

I hope that you know that,

That you will always know that.

Your death wasn't a shock,

But it hurt nonetheless.

Of course it did. I'm not a monster.

I struggled through managing my grief.

I went to work the day after your death.

I thought I could hold it together,

Be strong, put on a brave face.

But I ended up crying in the walk-in freezer.

Your wife always hated when

You called me by her sister's name.

Connie. That witch she hated.

(With a B? I'll ask her later.)

I didn't care when you called me by the wrong name.

I was just happy to talk to you.

You gave the greatest hugs,

So warm and cuddly,

Hugs fitting of the name:

Bear-Bear, or Bear for short.

My cousin knew what she was talking about

When she gave you that nickname,

All those years ago before I was even alive.

I wish I had been there to see you,

One last time before you left and took your last breath.

I hadn't seen you in at least a year or more,

And a new sickness, and a surge of illnesses across the country

Kept me from traveling to be by your side.

I love you. I always will because, as I said, I'm not a monster.

I could never forget you,

Or your great big bear hugs,

Or your smiling face when we came to visit,

Or when you couldn't stop looking at your cake when we celebrated your eightieth birthday,

Or all of our conversations throughout the years, one-sided or otherwise.

I miss you, and I wish we could meet again.

What I would give to see your happy face with a beaming smile

One last time.

Sincerely,

Caitlyn, or Connie, or Christa,

Or whatever you decide to call me.

I will always answer.

DID NOT RECEIVE:RETURN TO SENDER