The Soldier and The Spy: Jay Halstead- Episode 4

Chapter 8

Hailey stared Tess down with such certainty, such righteousness that the tight lid he'd been keeping on his temper the last few weeks almost shot off, stopped only by Tess's gentle hand on his knee.

"Actually, I do."

She paused for a moment, picking her words, and no one moved, no one even fucking breathed, all their attention laser focused on the two women.

Jay hated it.

Hated that they had an audience, that this conversation even needed to happen. That once again he was letting Tess handle it. But she had asked him to this time, and though he clearly couldn't let things between Hailey and himself continue as they were he understood that this particular moment was between them. And as much as he cared about them, both of them, he stood firmly behind Tess. Always would but especially on this, because Tess and his dad...

Talk about a complicated relationship.

"I understand that you were there when his father died, but I was there when he was alive. I slept in his house and ate dinner at his table, and him at ours. We spent Easter's and Fourths of July and Thanksgivings and Christmases together, along with one very awkward New Years. I held his hand when he cried over losing his wife and he held mine when I cried over losing Jay. So when I say he is acting like his father I'm not just telling the truth, I am doing something he asked me to so that he doesn't end up like the curmudgeonly old bastard."

She took another brief pause and he pressed his knee tight against hers, a silent reminder he was right beside her, that he had her.

But as she reminded him that hadn't always been the case.

"I do not discount your place or your influence in his life. Please do not discount mine."

That was exactly what he'd done. Why they were all in this mess.

He had acted like because Tess wasn't actively in his life that he could pretend she never had been, like he could hide away every trace of that influence. And he had. Sometimes outright ignored it out of spite, always to his detriment. Usually his teams too. None of this would have ever happened if he'd just come clean about her.

If he'd just fought for her.

The soft but unmistakable sound of an alarm rang through the tense silence and everyone's attention turned entirely to Tess as she pulled out her phone, nodding at something on the screen before she flashed an awkward smile around the table. "Excuse me- I need to take this."

Jay pushed back from his seat immediately, and more than a bit roughly, refusing to take his eyes off Hailey's face even as he stepped back to let Tess slip past him; it took her a second to meet his stare and he could see her regret the second she did, and it broke his heart, but it wasn't enough. Not enough to stop his anger and sure as hell not enough to stop his guilt. All of this was his fault, his, and yet no one was blaming him, no one was taking their anger out on him- they were taking it out on the person who deserved it least. He hoped Hailey could see that in his eyes because he didn't have time to express it, not when the next thing he knew Tess was breaking out in a string of...Mandarin? Cantonese? He had trouble telling the difference but it didn't matter because clearly something was going on.

God what if something had happened with Ling?

He rushed to follow as she headed for the exit, only sparing a brief glance for Kevin who took one look at him and then held his hand out to stop the others who were rising too. He couldn't think about them right now- the only one who mattered was Tess. Jay almost didn't bother looking her over, not beyond what was automatic but he paid extra close attention to her words, straining to catch anything he might understand. Over the years he'd picked up a lot just by being around her, not to mention she'd tried to teach him as many languages as possible, wanting to give him any advantage she could, but it turned out his drug and gun knowledge wasn't helpful here.