The Soldier and The Spy: Jay Halstead- Episode 4

Chapter 10

Present Day

They'd had the bath.

And it'd been a damn good one too. Just the right amount of bubbles, enough that Tess had some to play with but not so many that they blocked his view of her and honestly if she didn't dislike the feeling of wrinkly fingers so much Jay might've just gone to sleep in there- her tub was definitely big enough.

It'd been a good way to end what had otherwise turned out to be a pretty disastrous evening and though it hadn't made him feeling any better about what had happened it had calmed him down enough that when he'd gone into work the next morning he hadn't lost it at any of his coworkers. It also helped that Adam, Kevin and Kim had all reached out to say how sorry they were that the night had ended so badly, and not just to him but to Tess too, though Adam had clearly just copied and pasted the same message and sent it to both of them. Still it'd been appreciated, but then it wasn't any of them he had issues with.

Hailey had found him at the start of shift, had actually been waiting for him in the locker room, and though their conversation had been short it was still seared in his brain.

"Hey."

Jay paused as he turned into the row of lockers that held his and saw Hailey sitting on the bench in front of it, looking more uncertain than he'd ever seen her as she slowly stood and moved to the side so he could get past her. He hesitated for a second but then did but he didn't open his locker, just dropped his bag on spot she'd just vacated and turned to face her, crossing his arms over his chest so she wouldn't see the way he clenched his fists; Tess had made him promise before he left this morning that he'd be understanding, and he'd try to be, but that didn't mean he would let Hailey off easy either.

Not that it looked like she wanted him to.

"I'm sorry Jay. Tess was right, I had no right to say what I-"

"Yeah, you did."

He hadn't had many occasions to see Hailey speechless so it was kind of weird to now and his own discomfort meant he couldn't even enjoy it because he had no idea how to fill the awkward silence that fell between them.

That wasn't true.

He knew exactly what to say he was just afraid to say it. Afraid of what Hailey would think of him once he did. But he'd let his fear dictate his actions long enough.

"This is on me. All of it, everything-... It's on me. So any problems anyone has-"

"I don't have a problem."

That wasn't true either.

And they both knew it. Hailey might not have a problem with Tess being with him, beyond it hurting because they... because of what the two of them might have been if they'd ever let themselves cross that line. But she didn't trust her either. Not even Tess he didn't think, but what her presence here meant. What it might bring them, bring the team. The fact that that was exactly what Tess worried about made him want to punch something but Jay clenched his fists until his nails dug into his palms, the bite of pain sharpening his mind until he could think clearly again.

There was a lot more he wanted to say but not much that he should so he just nodded and watched as Hailey did the same, looking him over with a sadness that tore at him before she finally walked away.

Thankfully Vanessa's apology hadn't been nearly as tense, although it also hadn't really been much of an apology. All she'd said was that she was sorry for 'asking so many questions' and though he'd accepted his tone had made it clear that she had a lot more to be sorry for, and that he wasn't going to be as forgiving next time. Which hopefully wasn't going to be anytime soon because he needed a break from trying to force the two parts of his life to fit together.

Right now he needed a break from this part because his Sergeant was really starting to piss him off.

"Look, we bust the drug house, grab the guys cutting the fentanyl and use them to get to their supplier. End of story."

"I get that but we've seen how paranoid Ricky is, even more than most dealers. More than likely either the guys he's using aren't going to know anything or they're going to be the kind that don't say anything. If we go in now without any more intel we're not just putting ourselves in the line of fire unnecessarily, we risk him bolting. It took us this long just to find the place, we might not be able to find him again."

"We could spend a day doing surveillance, tail a couple of the guys and see if we can find out more about their crew that way?"

Jay appreciated Kevin lending his support but from the way his jaw clenched Voight didn't. They'd been going back and forth like this for a while now, trying to figure out the best way to get their suspect, Ricky Morales, before his drugs or him killed anyone else, but so far they couldn't agree on what that was. And after four days of following bad leads and finding twice as many bodies tensions were running high.

So in an effort to diffuse the situation Jay took a seat on the edge of his desk, hoping the action showed his Sergeant that he wasn't trying to be antagonistic. "Sarge, I get where you're coming from, we all want to get this crap off the street-"

"And the best way to do that is to hit that house. Look, this is the last of Ricky's supply, he runs now he's running with nothing-"

"I get that-"

"But you want to make the call."

The already still room got stiller and quieter, everyone's eyes flicking anxiously between him and Voight as they each refused to break the other's stare.

So much for trying to show they were on the same side.

He stayed where he was as the other man took a step closer, fighting to keep his breaths even and his face controlled, hard to do when his Sergeant's words cut so deeply.

"But you don't. I do. I make the calls and I take the hits because this is my unit. You want to run your own unit Jay? You want to know what that's like? Earn yourself a few more stripes and-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you."

Oh shit.

It was like everyone moved in slow motion, all their heads slowly turning to where Tess was making her way up the stairs, her own gaze locked unflinchingly, defiantly, on Voight.

Shit.