Waxing Crescent (Alice Cullen x Bella Swan)

Chapter 14 - Untethered Balloon

One week.

Just one week.

And I was a total mess.

I clumsily shoved my textbooks into my locker, leaving a few behind in my backpack for homework - If I could even get myself to focus on anything but my own despair. I kept my head down, avoiding her gaze.

As far as all my friends knew, we'd had a falling out. I didn't have the heart to utter the words 'broken up' - I let them decide the permanency for themselves. I didn't even know what the truth was.

All I knew was that Angela stayed glued to my side most days - almost as if she thought I would keel over from the heartbreak - and Jessica kept her quips to a minimum. I was thankful for their compassion, but unfortunately it did nothing to assuage my guilt or my suffering.

Unlike me, however, Alice didn't even try to conceal the pain she felt. She did nothing to keep her feelings hidden.

Whenever we would pass in the hall her eyes would melt into me. If she saw a chance to speak to me she'd take it. Even when she knew I wasn't going to give her what she wanted she still kept trying. How could I ask her not to? 

If she didn't try, I think my heart would just crack even more.

I'd thought I would be able to bear it - texts and phone calls. But I soon realized I couldn't even manage that.

If I was going to do this right - to truly give Alice every chance of recovering from my corruption - I needed to take things seriously. I needed to walk away in every possible sense.

She begged me to just talk to her, to give her a chance to plead her case. But I wouldn't allow it. She might think right now that she wants me more than anything in the world, but I knew better. I've always known better.

"Bella, are you still coming this Saturday?" Angela broached softly, catching me at the door of my truck.

"Does Eric still want me to come?" I asked.

My voice was flat. Defeated. I kept trying to cough it away as if it was just a crick in my throat. No matter what I did, it stayed.

"Of course! He's actually the one who sent me over here."

I peered around her and spied the rest of the gang. Every one of them mirroring similarly concerned expressions on their faces.

"Why didn't he come over himself, then? I don't want to be a drag. I know how much he's been looking forward to this."

"Well, he thought you could use more of a gentle touch..." Angela smiled timidly, "And he really wants you to come. It might be good for you and help you to get out of your head a little."

"Mm, okay. Yeah, I guess I will still stop by," I nodded, hopping into the cab.

"Ok great I'll-"

I slammed the door and started up the engine. I knew it was rude. I really liked Angela. I just didn't have it in me to care anymore.

I roared down the main road and out of town towards home. Local storefronts merged into houses - some wonderfully kept, others rundown - as I rhythmically rapt my fingers on the steering wheel. There was no music to drown out my thoughts - all I had was the melody of my own frustration and human inadequacy.

It was true that I was hesitant to make the plunge. To fully commit both to Alice and an unchanging and undying life of immortality. Not that she'd let me join her world.

But, in some ways, I imagined I'd much prefer it to this. To having to be the bigger and better person. To having to do what's right when all I wanted was to do what's wrong - be with the woman I loved.