MDCF

25

After Siana fell asleep, Alan started groaning in his sleep again, startling her awake. This time, before Siana could wake him, Alan's eyes shot open, turned on her. Before she knew it, he was above her, pinning her down on the bed, unable to move.

"Alan...," she stammered. As his hand went around her waist, he flinched as Siana groaned in pain. His eyes which had been blank flashed with life again. A series of emotions ran through them. First, surprise, then recognition, then shame and guilt. His weight disappeared from above her and she could move again. She rubbed at her arm which had been crushed beneath his body.

"I am sorry," said Alan with shame heavy in his voice.

Siana didn't know what to say because she was confused by what just happened. Alan kept wringing his hands and apologizing to her. She leaned and turned on the bedside lamp. The soft and warm yellow light filled the room and illuminated Alan's face. He seemed disturbed and agonized. He was drenched with sweat and little beads of them tumbled from his forehead onto the side of his face. His torso was glistening.

"Alan," she said gently, "Another nightmare?" He nodded.

"What were you dreaming about?" she asked, cautiously.

"I... nothing," he said.

"Try," she urged, "I am here to listen to you. Maybe it will make you feel a bit better."

Alan still looked reluctant. The current situation had unsettled him. He had thought it was just a nightmare and it would pass but it had recurred, and he might have hurt Siana badly. He was cursed. He tried to explain this to Siana haltingly, trying to find the right words that would explain what he felt. He didn't even know if she would believe him.

He didn't know with any certainty if this was a curse, so he didn't tell her that. He had had nightmares but something like this had never happened before. But the possibility was still there, and it made him anxious and worried and scared.

He wanted to brush it off as just a harmless nightmare and pretend like it never happened. He didn't want to scare her either. But twice, he had woken her. He had even tried to kill her. He couldn't just brush it off as harmless. He had pressed her down, pinned her and vaguely remembered searching for his pistol. If he had indeed found the gun before he had taken control over himself.... He couldn't bear to think about it.

Alan was filled with uncertainty. What if he did it again? And what if at that time, he wasn't as lucky to come to himself at the right moment? Siana, at the least, deserved the truth. He decided to tell her everything.

"I...," he stammered, "I dreamt that I was on the battlefield." He paused and took a deep breath. "I saw my colleagues dead beside me, and I almost died too. I saw dead people everywhere..."

Siana was hit with such an overwhelming feeling. She felt so much sympathy for him as the realities of the dreams tumbled from his lips. She wanted to console him somehow. And the way Alan spoke haltingly, as though he might break down any moment, broke her heart. She hugged him and he wrapped his arms around her.

Alan was silent for a while and he pulled her closer to him, held her tightly. "I thought I would be okay," he said, his voice heavy with grief, "I thought it would all go away after the end of the war. I am so sorry, Sia. I will sleep in a different room. I will go now." He let his arms fall from her and stood up.

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But before he could take a step, Siana grabbed his sleeve. "No, where are you going?!" she exclaimed. "You don't look well. Just stay here."