MDCF

37

"It seems like you were rushed by the circumstances in your life to make the decision to marry him," said Yulia, "without much time get to know each other... are you..." Yulia trailed off.

Siana hadn't told Yulia everything that had come to pass between her and Alan, so she understood what her friend was getting at. Yulia didn't want her to be trapped somewhere where she wasn't happy. "You don't need to worry about that," said Siana with a smile, "I love Alan."

"Really?" asked Yulia, surprised.

"Yes," Siana said with conviction.

She realized that it was true as she said it. She had been daunted by him appearing suddenly in her life again, looking like a prince out of a fairy tale. But she felt comfortable and safe with him. It felt good to wake up in the morning by his side. She liked being with him.

Maybe she didn't know what 'love' really was but perhaps it was close to this. However, Siana couldn't ignore the fact that she hadn't responded to Alan when he had confessed that he loved her that night. She had just frozen. Feeling guilty, Siana clasped her hands together.

"I thought at first that it was too impulsive," said Siana, "But after our marriage, it feels like I did the right thing. I feel like it was a good decision. I feel happy." But I still feel like I am causing trouble for Alan, said her inner voice. She clasped her hands together so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"Something is troubling you," said Yulia.

Siana flinched at her words. "What do you mean?" she asked, looking at Yulia.

"We have been friends for too long," said Yulia, rolling her eyes, "I know you always do that with your hands when you are nervous or worried about something. So, cut the chase and tell me what is wrong?"

Siana looked down at her hands and pried them apart. Even Alan said the same thing... it seems it's only me who doesn't know about my own habits. Siana resolved to get rid of the habit as soon as possible.

"I know that you saying you love him isn't a lie. I can see it in your eyes," said Yulia, "Do you regret getting married?"

"No," said Siana, "I don't."

"Then what is troubling you?" asked Yulia, taking Siana's hands in hers and squeezing them gently. "You can tell me. Or I might just imagine something wild and think about all sorts of stuff."

Siana was silent. She couldn't tell her. It was between her and Alan so she thought that it might be inconsiderate and insensitive of her to tell somebody other than Alan about it. She needed to solve her problem by herself this time.

Yulia sighed. "Is it something you can't talk about with anybody else?" she asked.

"I... I can't. It's something between me and Alan, so I feel like it will be unfair to him," said Siana, "I am sorry."

"There is no need to be sorry," assured Yulia, "No matter how close we are, there will be things that we cannot tell each other, especially if others are involved. It's alright. But it's not healthy to bottle it up within yourself too. You remember that, alright?"

"Yeah...," said Siana.

"Alright then," said Yulia, "I will always be there if you ever want to talk about it. Just say the word and I will always come visit." Siana nodded, grateful for her support.

"So, where is your husband?" asked Yulia.

"Probably out in the training grounds," said Siana, "After lunch, he goes out to train with his soldiers."

"He is an officer now, right?" asked Yulia.

"Yeah," said Siana. "Will you be able to attend my wedding ceremony?"