irrevocable

{Ten}

illicit affairs // Taylor Swift

Holly

I've been buzzing on an emotional high since the cookout with Jackson 3 days ago. I can't believe he's getting his own place and staying a while. I wouldn't let myself think about what might happen between us in the future, forcing myself to live in the now.

But when he put his arms around me and told me he was staying...I started letting myself dream.

Of a future where we were together. Living in the same house. Spending our nights in each other's arms. Working side by side in the mundane tasks of everyday life. I've never looked forward to household chores as much as I am now. I want to wash our dishes and fold our laundry. I want to make our bed after rumpling the sheets. I want to brush my teeth while catching his eye in the mirror.

I want all of it. And I want it right now.

We still have to wait almost two weeks before that's a reality. For now, Jackson is sitting with me on the couch, my mom already sleeping, after we ate homemade pizza and salad for dinner that Jackson helped me whip up. It was almost as good as my daydreams. But not quite.

Because while my mom is sleeping, these walls are thin, and she wakes up at the slightest noise. There'll be no sheet rumpling here unless I want her to have us as her soundtrack.

"You're awfully quite over there," Jackson says as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Everything okay?"

I nod. "Just anxious for time to pass."

He kisses my temple. "Same. I thought the few days between deciding to visit my dad and actually walking into the shop took forever. But I have a feeling the next two weeks will feel like a year."

I snuggle into him at his confession. I'm glad we're both looking forward to this equally.

"Did you talk to your boss?" I ask.

"Yeah. He was understanding. But to be honest, being part of an accounting firm in my role might not work remotely long term. He's willing to see how it all plays out, but he was honest that if it starts to impede the relationships with our clients that we'll have to reevaluate."

My heart sinks. I know Jackson really likes the people he works with and he's getting a good salary. I wouldn't want him to give up something he's work so hard for.

"You know I'd go wherever you wanted. But my mom..."

"Holly, that isn't even a question. If my job doesn't work out, and we decide to keep moving forward, I'll find something else. Grinder even hinted he might need some help with his books. I could start my own business, build a client list. There are definite options, so don't worry."

We've talked about this since the day he talked to Brax about taking the vacancy. I'd move to be closer to him if I could. I can find a job as a health aid anywhere. But who would care for my mom? She doesn't have anyone. My father is more than merely unreliable. He's completely hands off, to the point that Mom would probably starve if she was in his care. And there's no money for someone to come in and help. There's hardly money for doctor appointments. Mom should be on meds. She should have therapy. But we can't afford it with our meager health care.

Jackson leans in, whispering in my ear.

"Let me take care of you, Holls."

I melt into his arms, that one statement meaning as much as three little words that I'm starting to feel deep inside for him. No one has cared for me in so long I've forgotten what it's like.

Jackson makes me remember.

He leans back abruptly, clapping his hand on his thigh. "Okay, no more of that or your mom will get a show she didn't pay for."