irrevocable

{Eleven}

Sex is On Fire // Kings of Leon

Jackson

The now familiar bell jingles as I enter the shop, back from spending the day with Holly. We've been running errands and getting ready for my move into the new apartment tomorrow. I don't have anything of my own with me, other than a bag I threw together before I left my place back home, so I've been stocking up.

Home. Such a fucked-up concept. It's four walls and a bed unless your heart and soul are there. I've got more soul in the dusty storage room couch than I ever had growing up with my mom.

I see my dad heading back to the front desk from somewhere in the back of the shop.

"Hey, Jackson. Did ya get everything together for the big move tomorrow?"

"Most of it. I'm sure once I'm in there I'll realize I forgot about something."

"Nothing a trip to Walmart can't fix."

I nod, chuckling a little. "True." I lean against the counter as my dad takes a seat behind it, debating if I should ask what I've been thinking about for a week. I watch Dad as he putters behind the counter, checking client contact information and appointments for the evening.

I decide to just rip the band aid and ask. I reach into my back pocket but hold it below the countertop and out of sight.

"Do you have a minute? I've been thinking about some stuff and wanted to ask you."

Dad looks up. "Well, sure. I got time. Just waiting on customers at this point. No one scheduled for another twenty minutes."

That could be enough time. Or this could open an entire can of worms that I'll have a hell of a time wrestling with. I guess I'm about to find out.

"Holly found this in that box of photos her mom kept." I pull up the picture of my dad as a young guy. Dad's eyes bug out when he sees it.

"Ho boy, look at that. Seems like another life staring back at me."

"How old were you?"

"Probably no more than eighteen. Younger than you are now. That's for sure. I was your age when you were born."

I nod, letting the wheels turn. "Will you tell me about that? How you and mom got together?" I've wondered what they saw in each other considering how awful things ended between them.

"You're ma and I sort of grew up together. Both our families were part of the Reapers from the beginning, just like you and Holly."

I don't like this story already. Dad and Mom are nothing like me and Holly.

"Were you, like, childhood sweethearts?"

Dad chuckles, but there's no humor in the sound.

"Nah, nothing like that. We hardly knew each other. She's a bit younger than me and spent most of her time with the women. I was raised by a founding Reaper who bled the club through and through. He wanted me alongside him tinkering with his hog and cleaning up his beer cans. My old man wanted me to be just like him."

There's sadness in his tone. "And you weren't?"

"Not nearly the way he wanted." Dad sighs deeply, the motion full of emotional exhaustion. "Anyway, I got to be of age to become a full fledge member and knew it's what was expected."

"Do you regret joining up? Do you wish you'd had a different life?"

Dad doesn't say much for a few minutes. He's holding the photo, staring at it. Like if he could hold a conversation with the guy he'd once been, he'd have a lot to say about where his life has gone. And it wouldn't be good.