Virtual Hell (Sword Art Online X Male Reader Remake)

Level 2 - Living With the Consequences

"And how did that make you feel?"

My hands were cupped tightly together, the fingers fidgeting nervously, and my leg was shaking uncontrollably. Thoughts whirled around in my mind, all trying to break free at once, but nothing came out. My mouth was dry; words stuck in my throat. Instead, I shrugged, my eyes fixed on the floor, feeling the weight of guilt and confusion settling over me. Like I had done something wrong, even though I didn't know what it was.

Mr Kanoi let out a soft hum, tapping his pen against his clipboard thoughtfully. "Alright, how about we try this from a different angle? Tell me about your time in Sword Art Online, Y/N. About the player you were known as."

I barely heard him. My thoughts felt so loud it was hard to focus. I whispered, almost too quietly for him to hear, "But you already know. It seems pointless."

"On the contrary, Y/N. Nothing is pointless. Everything has a reason. Jog my memory; I'm getting old."

I remained silent for a moment, but something about his tone nudged me forward. I let out a quiet sigh, feeling the weight of it all pressing down on me.

"Okay," I said softly, shifting uncomfortably in my seat, trying to find the right words. "My best friend, Steven... he was obsessed with Sword Art Online. He went on and on about it, about how it was going to be a revolution in gaming. It was all he talked about. His excitement was contagious, and soon enough, it rubbed off on all of us. I didn't think twice when I decided to preorder the nerve gear and the game. At the time, it felt like the biggest thing that ever happened to gaming was to us. I thought I was lucky even to get a copy, to be a part of it."

"And you logged in right away?" Mr. Kanoi asked, adjusting his glasses. He had a patient, almost fatherly tone, but I could sense the curiosity beneath. "You, Steven, and your sister, Rei—was that correct?"

"No." I shook my head slowly, my hands tightening around my knees. "I wasn't even planning on logging in on launch day. I had homework to do, so I figured I'd play the next day after school. But Steven wouldn't stop. He was persistent, like he had to drag me into it. It's kind of funny in a messed-up way—because if I had just stuck to my plan, I probably would've dodged the bullet. But instead... I got hit with the whole firing squad." My voice was quiet, almost bitter. "Mr. Kanoi, I don't really know how this is helping anything."

He didn't answer right away; he just sat back in his chair and took off his glasses, cleaning them slowly. Then he set them down and leaned forward, his gaze steady but kind.

"I know this isn't easy for you, Y/N, but bear with me. We've been doing these sessions for nearly a year now. Every week, I ask about your personal life, about your school, about your feelings—and you stay quiet. I can't get a word out of you when it comes to the present. But every time I bring up Sword Art Online, you become a different person. There's something there, something important. People often find comfort in talking about their trauma. They tend to remember the past in a different light, even if it is painful. Nostalgia can come with joy, even in the most difficult of memories. Many of my other patients do the same—once they start talking about the past, they can't stop. The trauma, the fear, the joy... it's all mixed together." He leaned back again, regarding me with understanding eyes.

I could feel the weight of his words, the way they pressed against me, making something inside me stir. My breath caught in my throat as I realized he wasn't just asking me to talk about the game. He wanted me to relive it, to piece together something that was still so broken inside me.

"Tell me about Nightfall," Mr. Kanoi said, his voice softer now, almost coaxing. "Tell me about your time as Nightfall, the player you became in Sword Art Online."