For Real | Lando Norris

𝑭𝒊𝒇𝒕𝒚-𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆.

Ophelia

I slam the door behind me and walk three times back and forth through the room. I can't even wrap my head around what just happened. The question surprised me and an instinct kicked in to hide who my parents are.

I didn't mean for Lando to think that he is the problem. Because he is not, they are. They've always been a problem. I stare out of the window, looking at the sea. It calms me down a bit to watch the waves disappear behind the buildings that block the view off the beach. Monaco still felt like a dream to me, but it also started to feel like home. I got to know the streets and the parks, the café's and the boulevard. I've been here more than in London the last few months.

I turn away from the window and let myself fall onto the bed with a heavy sigh. Rolling into the blanked I take a moment to engage in self pity. Lando isn't following me and for a moment I feel alone again. Really alone. It's a feeling I haven't felt anymore since I met Lando that day on the airport in Bologna and the wave hitting me right now is a hard pill to swallow.

Tears escape my eyes and I open the water gates. I allow myself to cry into the hundred pillows I added to the bed. All the feelings, doubts, stress and pressure from the last few weeks comes pouring out of me in one stream of cries. I lose track of time, not caring how long I am crying. I need to let it out of my system. The last weeks everything piled up and I thought I had given the events a place, but clearly I have some things to work through still.

After what feels like an hour I finally calm down. I stopped crying heavily a while ago, but silent tears still rolled down my cheeks. Those last tears dry up as well and I give myself room to breathe again. Wiping my cheeks I feel cold metal touch my cheek. It's the bracelet Lando gave me in Austria after I got the job for next year. I let my finger glide over the little heart and smile. I need to make things right.

I untangle myself out of the blanket and sit up on the edge. With my hands I wipe my face to clear it up a little, more for the feeling than that it is actually cleaning my face. I stand up and walk to the door. The moment I lay my hand on the handle it is pulled away from me as the door is being opened from the other side.

"Uh.. sorry, I just wanted-" Lando points behind me to signal that he wants to go into the room, to do whatever he needs to. His face is blank, but I know him well enough that it means that he is still mad. I step aside to let him room to pass, but he doesn't move and seems glued to his spot. Then I need the one to say something, only fair because I was the one who ran away. "I was coming to talk to you." My nerves get stronger now he stands in front of me and also the feeling of shame and a little anger still are mixed in my body. He nods and enters the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I close the door again and take a seat next to him.

The springs of the bed squeak a little under my weight when I turn my full body to Lando. We sit in front of each other, me crossed legged fumbling with my hands in my lap, him with one leg under him and swinging his leg that dangles off the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry for yelling at you." I start, looking up from my hands. Lando's eyes are still fixated on his foot. The swinging is almost hypnotising and it feels like with every time he swings the air gets heavier.

"Please Lan, I am trying. I'm sorry for flipping out and I never implied that I am hiding you. I am proud of who you are, you are the most amazing person in the world and I love you." I am almost begging him with my tone of voice to look at me. I sigh when he still doesn't say anything. "I am the problem, like always."

That's what makes him look up. His expression is a mixture of anger and sadness. "You're not a problem Lia, not to me." My smile is too weak to convince him that I believe those words. "Lia," he turns to me, crossing his legs as well. "I am not mad, just confused." I avert my gaze back to my hands, feeling even more ashamed that I walked away. "Can you explain it to me? Why don't you want me to meet your parents?"

I sigh and shake my head, trying to find the right words. "Well, they are quite picky and they don't always approve of my choices." I pause and look back at my boyfriend. "Most of the time they don't." He nods understandingly. He is a choice. He keeps nodding and then lets out a breath. "Why couldn't you just say so?" My shoulders hang in shame and I pull them up for a short second. "I am ashamed of them, I think. And you are amazing with your family. Your sisters and brothers are great and your parents will always support you. I think I might be a little jealous as well." Admitting this to Lando is also admitting it to myself. He chuckles and pushes me gently.

"You know we aren't perfect either, no family is. I bet your folks are always proud of you and they will always love you." He leans over to me with a smile and kisses my nose. "Just like I do." The corners of my mouth curl up as well, but the smile doesn't fully reach my eyes. He can't know that those words are not entirely true. Of course, I will always love my parents and they me, but it's more complicated. Lando claps in his hands. "So, when are we going to visit them?"

I sigh at him. "I don't know when they're around. I will set something up, okay? Can we just drop it for now." My annoyance is returning immediately when I see Lando doesn't want to let it go. He takes a breath, like he wants to say something, but I cut him off. "Please Lan, leave it for now. I have enough in my head." He smiles sweetly and nods, letting go of the topic. My heavy chest becomes a little lighter and I nod relieved. "What's on your mind, babe?" He pats his lap to indicate that I need to lay down. I chuckle at the memory how we laid like this in his childhood bedroom two months ago. It feels longer than I remember, but at the same time that feels like yesterday.

"I just haven't fully coped with everything that has happened in the last month." He furrows his eyebrows as a sign he needs clarifying. I start counting on my fingers. "The rumours about me and you, the first hate messages, the pregnancy scare, flying back and forth for graduation, death threats, vacation, going public and getting even more comments. It was just so much happening all in such a short time, I just exploded." My voice is almost too quick to follow and even explaining it now makes me tired again.

His hand in my hair is shooting me and calming me down. I close my eyes to enjoy the feeling. I hear him chuckle behind me and I look up at him. "What?" He shakes his head, but my curiosity is triggered now. "Tell me," I laugh.

"No, you have enough on your mind, like you said. Do you feel okay now? I heard you rage for a good hour." I nod and see through his diversionary manoeuvre. "Yeah, I just needed to let myself go, but don't avoid the question!" He blushes like crazy and now I really want to know.

"Why do I need to continue a topic, but when I want to talk about your parents I get cut off." He isn't annoyed, more pointing out my hypocrisy. I roll my eyes and admit. "Touché." It's silent for a moment. I am thinking about what Lando is hiding and he is thinking, probably, about how to keep hiding it. In the silence the feeling that I missed him, us being alone like this, grows. Maybe I don't allow myself to miss him, but missing someone is an important part of loving someone. When you don't have the possibility to miss someone, how do you keep feeling these special reunion moments?

"I wanted to ask-"

"I think I need-"

We start at the same moment. We start laughing and I reach up to give him a peck on the lips. "You go first," I say to him and he scratches the back of his head. "Well, while you were dealing with everything I had bad timing debating something." He lets out a nervous chuckle. I don't follow and nudge him to go on. "I have been playing with something in my head for a while, but it's a little crazy and it's also why I wanted to meet your parents.." His blush is back and he almost looks like a tomato. I can't help but laugh at the sight. "Just say it Lan, this is only making it worse."

He nods and nervously laughs again before taking a breath. My chest gets tighter and it almost feels like he is about to propose. He wouldn't? Right? A little panic washes over me as this thought takes up a place in my head and I remember the words from the wags when we were in France. Girl, I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped down on one knee and proposed tomorrow. I hear Charlotte's voice very clearly and I shift a little, feeling uncomfortable.

"I want to ask you," he starts nervously. I keep thinking to myself he wouldn't be that reckless. "Do you want to move in with me? Here, in Monaco." My brain is so relieved he didn't ask me to marry him, that it doesn't register what he ís asking me. It takes me five seconds to come to my senses and then my eyes grow wide. Oh what?!

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