[ Discontinued ] 𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕷𝖆𝖈𝖊

④① - First Love

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

𝚈/𝚗 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚘

Marin, she's all I could think of. Standing still, pretty as ever. Laughing at her jokes, it amazes me how I can love another after the first one. Who is the first one?

It's Sajuna.

Why would I ever like Sajuna you ask? She was incredible, a bit stubborn but loves cute things. The way she smiles as her hair sways from her cheeks made her cute.

But all of those feelings are in the past now, all I feel now is the comfort that Marin brings when we're together alone, well not in a romantic relationship yet but I can feel her eyes on me. The ease that I can love without judgment is enough for me.

But for one specific moment in my life that I can never let go about Sajuna, is the day she showed up my house.

It was my birthday, the day I became fourteen years old. There were noises coming from the door, well knocking if I were to be specific.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, to see her. Standing with a bouquet of flowers, lavender flowers if I was not mistaken.

They were one of my favorite flowers and I was quite surprised she remembered them, considering how snobbish she was when we first meet.

I accepted those flowers.

She came into the room dazzling, and with such a cold stare. I could only laugh at her as my dog tackled her. It's been a long time since I've last seen my dog, I know for a fact she's enjoying up there with a massive smile on her face.

Back to Sajuna, we dined and talked about a lot of things and it was just me and her, Father and Mother were out for a business venture, they are always seeking out for money and bringing it into the table.

But sometimes, I just wish they were here even if it is only a minute, I would be the happiest person in the entire world. There's nothing I can trade for though, as I quite understand that money.

Money is the only way people can respect you. I was in a daze, staring at her as she finished the pudding. God it was such a long time ago, I took my camera and set it up.

I sat down beside her as she then looks down at me, having a bright smile on her face. I slowly place my arm around her waist as she leans her head on my shoulder.

I used to fantasize on how we could have done so much more than that, but we only took the picture of it. She was my first love, and now will always be my friend.

Considering how much she's so cute and stubborn, to the point where she won't back down from an argument.

I used to say, no matter how long it takes I will still love her? That feeling became platonic, no matter how I look back at it.

My parents on the other had, have changed. I have changed, my environment changed after transferring to where Wakana-kun is at now.

It was the toughest decision if I had to say, I had to pick my education over love. There's nothing more than the fact I hate boundaries, that limits me into doing both.

I wish, I wish I could have been there for her. Why do I keep dwelling on this matter?

Well, she confessed.

And I'm in a daze, shock and confusion. Disappointed, not angry. But definitely most of all sadness, it took her two years to finally realize that, I did love her.

Waking up from my trip to memory lane, I could see the sadness in her eyes as her smile is so crooked.

God what do I tell her, I was never religious, will never be. But really at this point in my life, I ask of you. Why now, why here?

If all things considered I did not see that coming. If I were to be honest, I don't want to see her cry, I never want to see it.

How do I tell her I don't love her anymore?

My eyes start to get all teary as I gaze at her. I can't do this, I really can't. My emotions are all over my heart but in my head.

Why am I still waiting, why was I still waiting, why, just why.

You were all I could ever think of, and now you pull this bullshit? I have moved on.

I moved on.

"Sajuna-san."

"Yes, Y/n." My lips turn to a thin line as I see the sparkle in her eyes. She sways her frame from left to right, excited by my answer.

She used to be mine, I should rephrase that, she was never mine to begin with.

"I'm sorry, but I can't love you, not like before. I have moved on, and love someone new."

My heart sank as I watched her expression dropped to the floor. She never should have received more kinder words, but I was lost.

This is what happened and thus brought us to where we were today. Waiting for Wakana-kun and her little sister.

It's a bit awkward standing here between, the girl I used to love and the girl I would kill someone for if she would ever ask. As much as that expression is haunting.

It fits my description of love, why?

I love her too much that I will do anything that will make her the happiest person in the whole universe.

She's my girl, and that's not changing any time soon. Till death do us part, but I should probably ask her out before saying those marry words.

Woops. That's so cringe of me to say, but I guess love just makes me cringe either way.